


Close

by spuggo



Category: Westlife
Genre: Accidents, Alcohol, Best Friends, Caring, Childhood Friends, Cold Weather, Coming Out, Confessions, Delusions, Enemies to Lovers, Falling In Love, Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers, High School, Hospitals, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Road Trips, Surfing, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 19:24:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23967154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spuggo/pseuds/spuggo
Summary: Mark didn't know whether he was close to having the love of his life or he was close to losing it. All he knew was that he was close.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, all! This is actually my first fic and I'm still trying to get to know the ropes of this site so I would like to apologize for all the errors there are in my fic. I didn't really have the time to proofread. I actually had this started way back December last year but due to the excessive academic workload earlier this year, I only finished it just now (literally). Hope you like it though.

“Surf’s up!” Kian was ready to take up another wave. But not Mark, surfing wasn’t his thing. Nothing of this “wet body aching” stuff is. Kian seemed to be having the time of his life. Mark on the other hand, sat by the shore, forcefully trying to be in his best behavior.

The sun was blaring with flames. But the wind was enough to cool Mark down. But not enough for him to keep calm. It was almost December but it was indeed hot. It snows in Ireland but not that long. He and Kian were at the beach for the weekend. Kian enjoyed surfing as it was his most favorite thing to do. But Mark? Not so much.

“Shouldn’t we get going now?” Mark sighed.

“Final exams are coming up and you’ve barely studied for anything.”

“Nahh, All’s good as long as I have you.” Kian replied with a bright smile on his face.

Mark felt quite flattered with what Kian had said. Of course he did. He liked Kian for as long as he could even remember. But he couldn’t tell him, he just couldn’t. He’d already imagine the burden this might cause by creating scenarios in his head of all the negative outcomes that might happen if he told Kian.

Kian was a nice guy. Polite bloke with goldish blonde hair that just flips with the wind, eyes depicting the waves of the sea and a charming smile shining with the light from the sun. He’s quite a bit shorter than Mark, that’s for sure. He can be naughty, cheeky and playful at most times but is also generally one of the most kind-hearted person you can ever imagine.

*

“Hey, let’s go!” Mark shouted at Kian who just couldn’t stop looking at Kian as he surfs all those big waves. “Sligo’s hours away.” Mark then added.

“Just 5 more minutes” Kian shouted back as he swims back further into the water to catch a few more waves.

Mark wanted to burst and throw a tantrum at Kian but he just couldn’t. How could you be mad at such angel with an innocent face? Plus, he gets to stare at Kian’s bum for 5 minutes more.

*

“Hey, old man. Wake the hell up!” Kian said as he slowly shook Mark’s shoulders. “Thought you were so excited ‘bout coming back home eh? but it seems like you’re the one who wanted to stay a bit long.”

“Fuck off…” Mark replied looking all grumpy while rubbing his eyes.

“We could stay for an hour more if you like, I’d go catch some few more waves while you finish your nap.” Kian jokingly said.

“Shut up, nap and playtime are over, we’re heading home now!” Mark stated looking all tired and enough of Kian’s antics.

"And by the way, you're the one who's older." Mark added.

"Yeah, yeah. Okay, fine. Whatever." Kian giggled.

"Piss off..." Mark sighed

Mark and Kian then went off to change before heading home. Kian had wiped all his aquatic equipment dry and then placed it in the car. "Good thing you were bored, eh?" Kian smirked.

"Uhm, excuse me, what?" Mark wondered.

"You've already packed almost all of my stuff beforehand." Kian laughed.

"Oh, yeah, right." Mark smiled. "Is that a good or a bad thing though?" He then wondered.

"It could be quite insulting ‘cause I was the one who dragged you off here and all you wanted was go home or nice cause I no longer have to tire myself packing." Kian joked.

"Sorry..." Mark felt bad.

"Nahh, I was just kidding." Kian laughed again.

A few minutes after, the two were finally good to travel back home. They both got in the car, Kian on the driver's seat and Mark sitting right beside him. They set off quietly as they were already so tired from everything and loading the stuff in the car. They did have some low-volume background music in the car, otherwise it was dead silence between them.

*

“So, what are planning on you taking at the university?” Kian popped. “You’ve been drowning yourself with books and all that smart people stuff for like every second of the day. I mean, I asked you to come with me on this trip to cool you off and get you a break from all that stress and headache from school. Like, we were at the beach this whole weekend and you barely got wet by the water.”

“Well, I erm..” Mark couldn’t think of anything to reply. All he thought was that all Kian thought about was catching waves and all that stuff he’s not interested about while all he wanted was to sit on a couch and study all day long but he couldn’t bother but smile knowing that Kian actually cared about his well-being.

“I dunno, teaching as a profession seems nice?” Mark replied as if it were a typical conversation trying his best not to smile wide when his cheeks were already bushing.

“Oh, so you fancy going back to school and get old teaching when right now you’re already sick of it?”

“No. I fancy you, though.” Mark joked. Because why not? Why can’t he pull off a joke like that? He really did fancy Kian. Aside from that, they were really close friends, so he guess he could say that without Kian thinking it literally. Though, for Mark it had seem to be quite a little awkward.

“You fancy me?”

“Yeah I do. I fancy hitting your face with my fist as hard as I possibly could if you don’t focus on driving. You’re gonna get us on a bloody accident.”

“Not” Kian laughed.

Mark was quite nervous for a minute. However, he found a way to dodge what he had just said. Though, it was real, both of it was. Mark did fancy Kian a lot and second, Kian was not that good at driving but he wasn’t terrible also. It was a good thing that there weren’t a lot of cars going in and around the area. Instead of being mad, Mark just found himself more in love with Kian. Why not though? Kian was a great companion. Always caring and will look up for everyone he treasures. Kian was basically the guy of Mark’s dreams. Just a perfect balance of inner and outer beauty. He couldn’t ask for someone better.

“Though it was nice of Shane to lend me his car. I bet the tiny fella doesn’t know I’m aware what he’s up to.” Kian laughed.

“Come on, Ki. You’re only like an inch taller than Shane or maybe not at all, I think? Maybe he's a bit taller than you, actually.”

“Yep, you’ve said it. Taller. Poor little guy, had to work at the diner the whole weekend, barely comes with us anymore.”

“That’s what you thought.”

Mark and Kian had arrived in Sligo a few hours later. Kian had dropped Mark in front of his house and went off to return Shane’s car then went home to his house. Mark and Kian were the best of friends. Since then, the two of them were almost inseparable. Kian was the more social and outgoing one while Mark was more of the quiet nerdy type of person. As a kid up till now, Mark tends to keep a fierce facial expression. Most of the kids back then were afraid to even go near Mark. But not Kian, even Mark was surprised to why Kian had approached him back then. Mark was nice, very nice in fact, and maybe that’s what Kian saw which got them along. It was also through Kian that Mark had become close with Shane and Brian who moved to Dublin a few years ago.

Despite looking unimpressed about everything that has happened, Mark had a great weekend. A really great weekend with Kian. He’ll have this at the back of his mind for a long time and will surely give him a lot of reason to smile a lot more frequently. Mark felt too exhilarated that he even forgot to study later that Sunday night. He didn’t even care about school the next day. All he thought about was how he was, how genuinely happy he was. He did feel quite bad with what Kian had said about him rushing to go home, though. And now that Mark knew, he just kinda want to go back and stay there with Kian for good. But that certainly can't happen. He’s got school and everything. Plus, those stuff only happens in movies and his kinda feels like a bit boring to be put in one.


	2. Chapter 2

Monday came. The alarm clock rang and Mark almost didn’t want to get up. Everything was still quite fresh at the back of his mind. He was smiling intensely and would even scream due to so much joy if it wouldn’t result to his family and neighbors thinking he was insane or being murdered. Eventually, after a while of daydreaming; he had to get up and go to school. He took a shower and got dressed. He then looked out the window for a few minutes imagining more stuff that could’ve happened, and of course, Kian. He would’ve stayed longer if it weren’t result him being late for school. Schooling was Mark’s therapy and ironically also the main reason of his mental stress. But at least he gets to see Kian every single day, right? I mean, it’s not like he couldn’t drop by Kian’s house or anything. But he likes learning, and the best part is that he gets to do it with Kian.

It was lunchtime. Mark had gone through his first few classes then went straight to the cafeteria. The cafeteria was filled with loads of people. Despite the large amount of people there, finding a seat wasn’t necessarily difficult as most students sat and gathered at same table everyday. Well, except maybe the new students who didn’t have a permanent place to settle yet. Mark was still daydreaming, but not quite much since the school cafeteria wasn’t as quiet as the library, so he couldn’t pretty much focus. But Mark was still smiling, a lot.

“Is this seat taken?” asked by some random guy.

“Uhm, no. Not really. Have a seat.” Mark replied.

The guy looked quite a bit freaked out by how Mark stared and smiled. He must’ve looked like an obsessed serial killer from the guy’s perspective which caused him to go look for another place to eat. “Nevermind, It’s fine if, uhm... I’ll just look for another seat.” And we sent straight off.

*

“HEY MARKY!” Kian ran towards Mark as he was eating his sandwich.

"What's up with him?" Kian asked

"What's up with who?"

"That guy who just ran off"

"Oh, I don't know. Perhaps a new student I suppose."

"You probably scared him off..."

"Piss off"

“Enough about that. Anyways, want some?” Kian asked

“Yes please” Mark replied as he took the sandwich Kian offered. “Seriously though, this is really good. Where’d you got this, mate? I’d like to get my hands on a lot more of this as well.”

“They’re tasty, yeah? But im’ma keep where I got them to myself. Haha. You might buy all of ‘em and leave me with none.” Kian replied laughing.

“Secretive. As always.” Mark said rolling his eyes at Kian as if he’s not the one hiding something.

“Just kidding. I’ll just make you some more once I get home.” Kian smiled.

“Wait. So you mean to tell me that you actually made this?” Mark asked looking all curious.

“Yup.” Kian replied being all flattered with Mark’s positive feedback on the sandwich he prepared.

“Ohhh… Suddenly, I don’t like ‘em anymore…” Mark joked.

“Shut up!” Kian laughed slowly punching Mark’s arms.

“Just kidding. I like them, honestly. This is some good stuff, mate. But seriously though, Ham & Cheese? Are you like 5 years old or something?”

“Well, you liked them, therefore you’d be a 5 year old as well. Haha. Got you” Kian laughed.

“Always... since then” Mark replied.

"Classes are over soon, what are you up to?" Asked Kian as if the fact Mark having a ton of books in front of him couldn't give him an obvious answer.

"Y'know, stuff you'd find boring like studying about History... which I find as quite an effective sleepy pill."

"I figured. Well, I'm off horseback riding with Shane."

"Wouldn't you need a horse first before you go horseback riding?"

"Shane's letting me ride his horse"

"Woah. How come? Shane doesn't even let anyone go near his horse."

"Well, he kinda figured out that I'm cousins with Gillian. I dunno, I think he's try'na make a good impression at her through me. Don't you wanna come with us?"

"Not really, got a quiz to study for. I'd be at my secret spot if you need me."

"You mean down by the lake?"

"Well, yeah. How'd you know?"

"Oh Marky, we've been like the best of friends since we were as tiny as bees and Shane. Don't you think I wouldn't know some small details such as a 'secret spot' of yours would be?" Kian laughed. "Plus, why'd you even tell me 'secret spot' if you think I didn't know where that spot is?" Kian added.

Mark had a soft giggle. He wasn’t quite sure about what, though? ‘Bout Kian poking fun at Shane again? Or because Kian knew him so well. Well, yes, He and Kian did know each other for a long time but maybe not enough for Kian to know how Mark feels towards him.

Mark made his way down by the lake after class. Fresh air, green grass and the great view of the water. The overall ambience of the scenery was just refreshing and the surrounding was calm enough for him study. It was peaceful enough away from all the loud people and of course, having have to deal with Kian's shit. Shit he’d go through gladly.

Mark sat on his usual spot on the green grass beside a tree, looked at the ducks swimming on the lake and barely even touched or opened his book and study. He just wanted to breathe and have some rest. Everything was soothing and calm, though, Mark was suddenly all tensed up. For the past few days, he thought of nothing except Kian. He suddenly became afraid of maybe flunking his classes and not live up to the expectations he had put up for himself.

However, maybe Mark didn't need to study that much. Maybe he listened enough to the teacher's lectures to at least get a passing mark at his upcoming exams. Maybe he's just stressing about Kian that much. Having a lot going through his mind about having have to tell him. I mean, he's had a lot of crushes before and didn't tell them. But not Kian. There was something in him that kind of made him feel a need of having have to tell him. And maybe perhaps hope. A small hope that maybe Kian would also like him back. But he wasn’t counting on it. They say that nothing is impossible, but at this thing, it’s probably more of like a hopeless case.

Mark has been overthinking a lot recently. Kian on the other hand was just being his typical playful self. Going with the flow and being the type of adventurous, social and outgoing person he is.

*

"Shit, Oh my, Please be careful. You're torturing him" Shane intensely freaking out over how Kian is riding his pony.

"I am careful. Stop being an overdramatic for a second."

“This is a nice horse, though.” Kian added

“That’s a pony, Kian.” Shane rolled his eyes.

“A pony? You mean like what the little girls play with?

“Would you please just get off him please?” Shane insisted.

“Fine.”

*

"It’s hot” Kian complained.

“Wanna do something else, then? You could go with me by our diner if you like.”

"Finally. I’m starving.”

Kian got off of Shane’s pony. Shane was relieved that Kian finally got off. He didn’t even know what went through Kian’s mind that urged him to go riding all of a sudden. He didn’t know how to ride the pony. However, he liked the thought of riding one upon seeing Shane ride horses so smoothly like a pro. Shane rode horses like it was an easy task. But it wasn’t. Well maybe at least for Kian. But not Shane. Shane treasured all their ponies and horses like family. Since they were off to the diner, Shane returned his pony back to the stables. He and Kian then made their way to Shane’s parents’ diner right across town.

It wasn’t a huge diner, but it was an elegant one. It was a family business since Shane was small. He’d go down there and work for the weekend but having a lot siblings made it easy for him to escape and run off to someplace else.

*

"Shane! Kian! Wait up." A guy was shouting and running fast trying to catch up with Shane and Kian.

"Hey, Big Guy, I mean Brian" Kian laughed.

"Shut up lad, not my fault the of you are small." Brian rolled his eyes.

"Nice bumping into you Bri. Aren't you supposed to be in Dublin?" Shane asked.

"I am. Just dropping by for a while with some of me lads then we're heading right back." Brian replied. The three of them paused as if they haven't figured out anything else to say.

"That's nice. Hmmmm perhaps you can head over our place tomorrow for dinner and do some catching up if you like. I'm sure Mark will be glad to see you too. It's been ages since the both of you have seen each other." Kian suggested.

"That'll be great. I'll see you." Brian waved goodbye and went running back to catch up with his mates.

*

"That'll be £15" Shane jokingly said.

“Shut up”

"You've got quite an appetite for a small body."

"I'm like an inch taller than you which is a huge difference. Smurf." Kian laughed

"Not."

"Just kidding. Thanks a lot mate for the free food. Gotta head home early tonight. Gillian's staying over til the weekend. Bye lad."

"Can't wait to see you tomorrow, lad!" Shane said looking freakishly creepy with a huge smile on his face.

"Can't wait to see who?" Kian smirked

"What? You, of course. You’re still here and I miss you already." Shane laughed

"Fuck off. I don't remember inviting you..." Kian laughed back.

Shane winked "I'm still gonna go anyways."

*

"Ahhh a huge cup of coffee for Mark" a guy with a cute manly voice spoke behind him with height about five foot ten, sparkly blue eyes and sleek blonde hair.

"Uhh? excuse me?" Mark raised an eyebrow wondering why some random guy is holding is holding his empty coffee cup.

"I think next time we should throw off our trash with our name on it where they’re supposed to be rather than leaving it in the ground, don’t you think?" Nicky looked eagerly at Mark.

"Oh yes. Right. Sorry about that."

"That's cool. Just try'na keep this lovely place you know, lovely."

"Uh, you live here? I've been here like almost everyday and this is the first time I saw you."

"Not really. Only here for a short while with a comrade whose family lives just around the corner."

"Oh, by the way, Nicky. Nicky Byrne."

"Mark. Mark Feehily."

"Great. See you around then, Mark!"

"You too then I think?”

Nicky then left leaving Mark alone by the river. Nicky was charming, stylish and had quite a sense of humor. But Mark hadn’t noticed. He was probably some cute guy he’s never see again. Plus, he liked Kian. No one but Kian. He just think it’s weird and creepy how Nicky just suddenly startled him. Though, he did have a point.

Mark just stared at the scenic view for a while. Nothing but silence. A calming one though. Nothing and no one else there. Just him and nature. It was all too refreshing that he wish Kian was right there beside him also.


	3. Chapter 3

"Marky!" Kian invited us for dinner. C'mon lad, hurry up." Shane spoke loudly while knocking on Mark's door.  
Gillian was also at Kian’s home making him truly excited about coming. He finally got an excuse to interact with Gillian without having have to feel awkward. Shane kept knocking loudly on the door till Mark’s mom had come to answer the door.

"Oh. Sorry about that. Good Evening, Mrs. Feehily. Is Mark home?" Shane asked politely like a 5 year old standing outside the door.

"He'll be down in a bit. Come in. Oh nevermind he's already dressed up."  
Mark usually takes ages to get ready. But this time, he got all dressed up in like less than 5 minutes.

"Bye Mum"

"Have fun, darling. Be sure to get home in one piece!"

*

“So, how’s everything going with you and Ki?” Shane asked

“All’s good. Why?” Mark replied

“You haven’t been the same since you’ve told me. You looked like you’ve been having the worst time of your life. You look more stressed than any of the previous exams you’ve taken. Is it because of him? And you look like you’re forcing yourself so much with unnecessary studying, I don’t know, maybe to distract yourself from Kian? It seems like it’s only getting you more stressed lately.”

The air went cold between the two, however Mark felt relieved that Shane knew what he was going through. They were walking casually as they made their way to Kian’s house which wasn’t quite far from Mark’s. Shane knew that he liked Kian. He told him 3 months back. Mark was falling hard for Kian so much and would come to the point where he’d even blame it on gravity since he wouldn’t admit it. He was in love with Kian that it sometimes even became awkward for them to be together. He couldn’t tell Kian but Shane was good trustworthy friend, so Mark spilled the beans on him. Mark was nervous as hell when he confessed all to Shane. But they were good friends and it didn’t seem to be a problem with Shane. In fact, it got the two of them much closer.

“And Marky…” Shane added

“Oh?”

“It’s not that I don't respect your decision or anything, I really do, but has it ever crossed your mind that what if maybe you tell Kian about it? We all know he can be quite cheeky, annoying and all that crap but he’s a great friend. He’s always stood up for you ever since and he even asked you to come with him last weekend to cool yourself off from what you’re going through. He’s worried about you mate. You two have been friends for a really long time. You two are almost inseparable and I’m sure he’ll understand. Just thinking you might consider…”

“I’ll think about it.” Mark answered.

The two of them went quiet while walking. It wasn’t awkward or anything. It was just both of them were thinking about some stuff.

“Shane?” Mark popped up.

“Yes?”

“Thanks for a lot. That weekend was one of the best things that ever happened in my life. Thanks for giving it to me. Thanks for lending Kian your car and you could’ve come with us but you chose not to. Having have to work down the diner? That’s a great excuse. We both know you literally just spent that whole weekend asleep.”

“Don’t mention it. Now since you’ve reminded me of that, I’d like you to do me a favor.”

“What is it?”

“Lemme see a smile on your face. Ki’s house is just around the corner. Don’t let him see you all frowned up.”

“Will do.” Mark chuckled. “I’m not really that sad or anything, I’m doing great actually. You should’ve just told me to smile so you wouldn’t feel all awkward smiling so wide by yourself.

“A bit too obvious?” Shane gave a grin.

“Yeah. Why’s that?”

“Gillian’s at Kian’s for the weekend. Sorry. Can’t help it.”

“S’fine… Just make a move on her already.”

“Hmmmm. I’ll think about it also.” Shane laughed.

*

Shane and Mark arrived at Kian's home after a 20 minute walk. The house looks pretty much the same as it used to. Mark's been there for like every afternoon during elementary to play with Kian. The paint remained the same, along with Kian's room and pretty much everything else except for the dining area along with the living room's new appliances. The old piano wasn’t moved a bit. The trophies got plenty. And he bets that all of Kian’s teddy bears in his room were still there. Mark knew every corner of Kian's house except maybe for the garage which he hasn't been in to. But Kian says they've turn it into some storage room. Mark couldn't argue with that since they had quite an amount of stuff and only an average-sized house. Plus, Kian's family doesn't even own a car.

Gillian opened up the front door and Shane's face immediately lighted as if he'd been starstruck. Gillian was wearing a cute white little sun dress while Shane and Mark wore casual but somehow stylish t-shirts along with baggy jeans. It was the 90’s, everything was almost a fashion trend.

“Hey Marky, Hi Shane.”

“Hey Gillian. How are you?” Mark greeted as he shook hands with Gillian.

“I’m great! I hope the two of you are also.”

“We are. I just don’t know about Shane though. He looks kinda nervous. I’ll go find Brian. Mind if I leave both of you for a while?”

“Shut up Marky. I’m coming with you.” Shane sweated a lot while looking red. He obviously couldn’t contain his excitement when he saw Gillian. After all, Shane already had his eyes on Gillian quite a long time ago. Even before Mark even had a crush on Kian.

“Nahh. I’ll manage. Have fun, you two!” Mark smiled with an evil face and left Shane and Gillian.

*

"Brian!"

"Mark! Nice to see you again pal. It's been years. How's life been for you?"

"I'm doing pretty great, actually. Just finishing through high school trying not to get mad about everything. How's Dublin so far?"

"All's well. Got to meet some new lads and there’s hella a lot of fine girls there. Could get you hooked up with one if you like."

"No, thanks. I'm already struggling trying to balance my time studying and actually having a life. How's music going for you?"

"S'fine. Finally got the hang of playing the guitar and some other instruments like the piano. And you? Still try'na hit Mariah Carey's whistle notes eh?

"Not really. I barely sing anymore. There's just too much stuff I need to get my head on."

"Oh, what a bummer. I don't suppose we could work on like something before I go?"

"That'll be great. Perhaps Monday evening at your place?"

"Sure. It's settled then."

"Hey, any chance know where the bathroom is?" Nicky inserted.

"Nicky? What are you doing here?" Mark looked surprised.

"Oh, wait. So you two know each other already?" Brian wondered.

"Well yeah. It turns out Mr. Smarty pants here doesn't know where to throw his trash at..."

"Oh my. Here we go again." Mark rolled his eyes.

"Just kidding. Now, does anyone know where the bathroom is? I swear I'm-- it's gonna burst already."

"Go straight ahead behind the stairs then left after the kitchen. It's a white door with some glass details." Mark answered.

"Thanks." Nicky then wandered off immediately.

*

“Hey, lads. Time for dinner.” Kian called his mates up and invited them to the dining area where there were a lot of sumptuous that he had prepared. Apparently, Shane helped as well not to necessarily avoid Gillian, he wanted to be with her but it just seemed a little bit too awkward for the both of them. Despite his best effort, Shane was actually a horrible cook, couldn’t even separate the egg yolks from the whites but Kian didn’t care nonetheless.

Kian sat at the foot edge of the table while Mark sat with Shane who faced Brian who sat next to Nicky. They all went to have a dinner full of conversations. And the years that have gapped them apart didn’t seem to be there anymore. They all had a wonderful time except Nicky who stayed quiet because he didn’t seem to fit in. All Nicky knew was Brian but he was busy talking to Kian, Shane and Mark.

“Where’s Gillian?” Shane asked almost choking to the immense amount of food he was shoving in his mouth.

“Weird lad. She was with you earlier and you left her. Now, you’re asking where she is. That’s not a nice way to impress a girl.” Kian answered. “She is upstairs though. Don’t worry, she already ate.” He then added.

“Sorry about that.”

“Tell that to her, not me.”

“By the way, lads. I know dinner is been the best time to introduce you to someone but this actually came unprepared and she’ll arrive anyone soon but I’d like you to meet someone.” Kian announced.

There was a knock on the door. Kian stood up immediately and rushed his way to the door and saw his visitor arrive. He opened the door and let her in then lead her to the dining area.

“Lads, this is Jodi. My girlfriend.” Kian announced.

Kian looked absolutely happy introducing Jodi to his mates. Everyone looked surprised. Brian was smiling, cheering and clapping. Shane was also cheering, Mark clapped and along and Nicky was also clapping. Jodi was a nice and lovely lady. She had a smile almost as wide as Kian’s. Hair as smooth as silk and a pair of beautiful eyes. Mark looked quite shocked and was tearing up. He stayed low-key while the others were busy with Kian and Jodi. Nicky suddenly choked on the wine he was drinking and suddenly all eyes were on him. Mark was afraid that the others might see him. So he immediately wiped the tears off his eyes and looked at Nicky also and pretended to interested.

“You okay, mate?” Brian asked

“Uhh, sorry. Think I drank too much?” Nicky replied then looked straight at Mark’s eyes.

Mark was a bit annoyed at how Nicky stared at him. It was like as if Nicky knows all his deepest secrets, which he doesn’t. Shane also looked at Mark and realized the shock that Mark might’ve felt. Mark was stunned, he truly was. He didn’t know Kian was seeing someone. He didn’t know whether to feel hurt that Kian already had a girlfriend or that maybe because Kian hadn’t told him about it. Mark felt quite uncomfortable so Shane decided started to cover up for him.

“Nice to meet you Jodi. Perhaps we could go ahead to the living room? Have a chat and get to know each other properly. Kian must be a really lucky guy.” Shane requested.

“That’s a nice idea.” Kian agreed.

“You guys go ahead, I’ll clean up here.” Mark insisted.

“Let me help you.” Kian offered.

“No, that’s fine. I’ll help him.” Nicky volunteered.

“Oh, Nicky? Are you sure?” Kian looked.

“Yeah. Me and Nicky will do just fine. You guys go ahead, we’ll follow afterwards once we’re done here.” Mark interrupted.

“Okay then. If you say so, I guess…” Kian replied.

Shane, Kian, Jodi and Brian then made their way to the living room where Gillian already was. Kian carried a new bottle of wine that Brian had brought while Nicky and Mark were left at the living room trying to clean up and just basically went back and forth from the kitchen.

"Oh, turns out you know how to clean up? Last time I checked you had to your trash lying around." Nicky laughed.

"Knock it off already." Mark said hysterically.

"Oh, okay. Sorry about that." Nicky quite felt sorry. He felt bad for teasing Mark despite not being really that close to him yet. Though, that’s just the way he is and he couldn’t really help himself. Nicky likes to play some pranks, tease people and eventually annoy them. But he knows when to stop and is quite apologetic in the end.

"S'fine" Mark sighed.

"…so you know Brian?" Nicky asked.

"Uh yeah, he's a good friend of ours. Quite gutted he had to move to Dublin though."

"Oh… really? How’s he like then?" Nicky asked.

"Brian? Well, he's quite charming, smart, loud and cheeky if you couldn't tell it by now, also quite talented, he's like a magnet when it comes to girls, he's a great friend overall but can sometimes get on your nerves." Mark replied.

"I know right. What a fit bloke, eh. Immediately had a crush the moment I laid my eyes on him." Nicky laughed.

"What?"

"What?"

"Okay... So you mean to tell me you're--" It was quiet for a few seconds before Mark replied. Obviously the atmosphere around the two of them had become awkward.

"Yup." Nicky replied

"Oh" Mark then again responded. After that, silence had then again surfaced towards the two of them. Mark was shocked, stunned and didn't quite know how to feel. Surprised for being enlighten that Nicky was gay also or happy that finally he doesn't get to feel lonely anymore, that finally he'll get to share stories he hasn't shared with anyone. He didn't quite know how to respond to Nicky. If he should tell Nicky that he's gay also but Mark figured why should he? Or that maybe Nicky had found out that Mark was gay and was only mocking him. Plus he barely even knew Nicky. They only met once but that was only a short conversation and that he's probably off and back to Dublin in a few days.

"Mark..." Nicky broke the silence

"Uhh Yes?" Mark replied nervously.

"If you're not cool with it. It's fine. I'll go ahead." Nicky felt a bit low.

"Uhh not at all. It's cool." Mark responded. "Why are you telling me this though?"

"You know..."

"Know what?"

"Nevermind"

Mark felt quite a bit bad for Nicky. The way he responded was quite insulting and impolite. But he was confused about the amount of things happening around him that he didn’t know how to react properly. What Nicky had done was quite brave. He didn’t know him but we went and upright told him that, something he is yet to do to Kian. But Mark knew he couldn’t do it. Not a chance.

"Can I ask you something though?" Nicky asked.

"Yeah sure, what is it?" Mark replied.

"How's it going with you and Kian?"

"Why? What about Kian?" Mark asked.

"How's it going for the both of you?" Asked Nicky.

"What do you mean?" Mark looked nervous and had like a thousand thought run through his mind. Like, what if Nicky found out? What if Nicky tells Brian and then Brian tells Kian? His world would all fall apart. He was sweating excessively. He didn’t want to be in this situation. This is all too much for him to handle. He shouldn’t have come here in the first place. He should’ve just stayed home and read some books.

"I could be wrong but. I don't know. Maybe you could say that I'm an observant person, I guess. But it's kinda written all over your face. The way you look at him and everything. Plus remember when I choked over what I was drinking earlier? I wasn't actually having too much of anything, but rather choked over the wine I was drinking laughing over your reaction as when Kian announced Jodi as his girlfriend. You looked quite surprised, hurt and everything."

"What are you trying to imply?"

"Sorry. Don't mind me."

"Fancy a cuppa, then?" Mark offered

"Yes please. I prefer mine with 3"

"Oh my, 3 spoons of sugar and you're that skinny" Mark laughed.

"I'm not that thin" Nicky giggled.

Mark and Nicky cleaned up the kitchen had some small conversation but didn’t really look that much at each other. The moment they finished cleaning up, Mark had an urge to go home immediately. So he made his way to the living room to say thanks for having him over and goodbye.

"Hey Marky! It’s about time. What took you guys so long?” Asked Kian.

"Hey Guys. Thank you so much for a great night. I've enjoyed but I really have to get going. Nice catching up with all of you." Mark bid farewell and so did the others as he tried to go home immediately.

“Why so soon?” Kian asked.  
Everyone looked at Mark quite strangely. He was looking all nervous as if he’d done something wrong.

“I forgot I have to do something."

"Do what?"

"Some things... I had an amazing time. See you all again next time. Bye. Have fun! Enjoy the night.”

Mark bid his goodbye faking a smile and went home.

"What's up with him?" Kian asked.

"He's mom's probably looking for him by this time. He should be studying though. Final exams are coming. Plus I’ve told his mom that he’ll be right over for only an hour or two.” Shane stated trying to cover for Mark.

"Oh, okay then."

It was getting late. He was supposed to spend the night at Kian’s but something had urged him to go home. He didn’t want to be there. It felt all weird and uncomfortable. He couldn’t bear the situation and just wanted to be out of it. He ran home as fast as he possibly could feeling all the adrenaline and stuff like that. Mark arrived home just a few minutes after midnight. His mom didn't scold him, in fact, they were asking why he was home early or why at the middle of the night when it's usually almost impossible to get him home everytime we goes over at Kian’s.

Instead of entertaining his parents’ interrogations, he just said good night and went straight to his room since he was already feeling tired and sleepy. He still couldn't process everything that has happened. The fact that Kian already has a girlfriend is too much to handle. What more could the fact that Kian didn't bother to tell Mark about it add up to? And Nicky, he didn't know Nicky was gay. There wasn't any sign and it would just be impossible for him to be so. He didn't care about Nicky though, he still isn't convinced. Maybe it was just one of his games. But what Mark was worrying about was that Nicky knows about him. He didn’t go and upright told him though. But Nicky knew and he just couldn’t deny it. Shane knew but he and Shane were close since they were little unlike Nicky who he just met. What if Nicky has already told Brian and what if Brian has told Kian? He's planned every possible thing happening in his life, but not this, he certainly didn't see this coming. Despite being already knackered and drained and almost ready to fall asleep in any given moment, his thoughts were sure to keep him up all night.

The following day came. Obviously Mark hadn’t had enough sleep from everything running over through his mind. His parents left home early so he had the whole morning to just lie in bed all day without anyone having have to bug him to come down and eat or do anything. He did got up eventually around noon, sat by the window for a few minutes before he finally decided to take a bath and go downstairs to eat brunch. He was so bored of being home alone and also wasn’t in the mood to talking to anyone. It was only a few minutes before his parents would arrive home so he went out and headed down by the lake. He hesitated for a bit though, what if Nicky was there and bombarded him with questions he didn’t want to answer or made him uncomfortable? Nevertheless, he still went ahead and continued his way to the lake where he finds peace of mind and gives him the chance to think.

Mark sat in his regular spot. Beside the tree for comfort, just enough breeze for ventilation and the calming view of the water. There was nothing else he hoped to see aside from the view. Not anything, not anyone.


	4. Chapter 4

“Mark!”

Mark turned around and was surprised to what was coming towards him. Kian riding a bike.

“What brings you here?” Mark asked.

“Went by your home earlier this morning but your Mom said you were still asleep, went again this afternoon and your Dad said you weren’t home. So I thought I might find you here.” Kian replied.

“Well yeah. Just trying to breathe some fresh air.” Mark smiled forcefully.

“Marky? Is there anything you want to tell me” Kian asked.

“What? What do you mean?” Mark started sweating.

Mark was suddenly all tensed up. He was sweating cold. He was so nervous to what Kian had asked him. Everything went through all over his mind again. What if Kian already knew? What if Nicky told everyone. He just couldn’t handle all of this. He just wanted to be out. He wanted to be away. He didn’t want anyone to see him. He just wanted to disappear for a while or to maybe not exist for a few days. His world was getting smaller and smaller. He didn’t know how to respond to Kian. And he was also well aware that his expressions were already obvious.

“If there’s anything that’s been bugging you. You know you could always tell me. Or basically anything at all…” Kian added

“Thanks for the concern but I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes”

“Just be sure of that, okay? I’ve prepared you two pairs of Ham & Cheese sandwiches. Though, sorry if I forgot to bring you any drinks. But if you look right there in front of you, that’s hella a lot of water from the lake over there. Knock yourself out” Kian joked.

“Well okay, sure. Only if you could surf in it first” Mark laughed.

“Fuck off” Kian smiled.

“Just kidding”

“I know. Have to go now though, Marky. Gotta drop by at Jodi’s”

“Kian… wait”

“There is something I wanted to tell… or ask you ‘bout something”

“What’s that?”

“Jodi.”

“What about her?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Mark asked.

“We actually haven’t told anyone. We wanted to tell all of you as a surprise, that’s why we invited you over for dinner last night and eventually for also you guys to get to know and get along with each other but it kinda seemed like you were distancing yourself from us and I didn’t want to force you to come along with us to the living room as to maybe being alone was your way of coping.”

“Oh sorry about that.”

“All’s good mate.” Kian smiled. “She’s a nice girl though. Such a shame you two couldn’t properly meet and get to know each other.”

"Yeah… Kind of… I suppose you have to get going now, don't you?"

"Well yeah, I do. But Marky?"

"Yes?"

"If you ever need someone, just know that I'm always here and that you could always tell me anything."

"I know. Catch you later, mate!"

Kian went biking off and left Mark. Mark began thinking again, whether what if he'd just tell Kian. His world would be a lot easier but he's just afraid of the consequences that it might cause him. He knows Kian is a good friend but being gay was just a whole different thing, especially hiding that whole crush or love thing he's been keeping for a long time. He's afraid that one day, maybe Kian would be awkwarded and start to distant himself. He just don't want any of those things to happen.

*

Monday came and Mark was so nervous about having to take the quiz, not because he didn’t study, he did but it was just there was too much going on his mind that he couldn’t think properly. Good thing he still managed to ace his quiz. Just a few days more until final exams and a week more before the semester officially ends. Mark was on his way home, then he remembered that Brian invited him over to his place. He went home asked permission to his parents to stay over at Brian’s to which they agreed since Mark aced his quiz.

*

“Knock Knock. Mark here” Mark arrived around 5:30pm at Brian’s door.

“Oh hey, Mark” Nicky opened the door.

“Oh… Nicky. Where’s Brian?”

“He went out with Shane for a while ago but I’m sure he’s already on his way back. Come in.”

“Thanks. Though, Shane and Brian? That’s odd. Could’ve sworn they hated each other.”

“I dunno.” Nicky replied.

The air went cold again and the silence crept towards the two of them. They made their way to the living room and waited for Brian to arrive.

“Nicky?”

“Yes?”

“You haven’t told anyone right?”

“Tell anyone what?”

“About me.”

“Oh. So now you’re admitting it. As far as I remember, you were trying to dodge that question so much and even offered me tea to change the subject. But no, I haven’t.”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it. It’s safe with me.”

“Oh there you two are. I could’ve sworn I heard your voices. Sup Marky?”

“Good and you?”

“Great and cute as always. The piano’s up in my room, by the way. Let’s go?”

“How ‘bout you Nico?”

“I’m good here. Just watching some football. You two go ahead.”

*

“You’ve really got the hang of playing the piano. I’m quite impressed”

“Thanks. I’ve been playing this piece for like a week now since I was in Dublin. Finished it just a few days ago but couldn’t quite have any lyrics yet, nothing interesting happening to my life at the moment. Perhaps yours?”

“Well I did write this song from what I am going through. I just couldn’t find the right tune and tempo.”

“What’s the song called?”

“You Don’t Know.”

“Yeah, I know. I mean I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking”

“No. I mean the song’s called ‘You Don’t Know’”

“Oh, got it. What’s it about, then?” They both laughed.

“Just basically one of those hopeless romantic songs but with some twists in it. Not necessarily the two of us having a fight against love but basically a fight within myself which not many people know about. It’s quite a meaningful song to me, though. The lyrics are quite relatable but if you know what it represents then you’ll have a brand new perspective towards the song and me. Pretty much depends on the context."

“Sounds dope.”

Mark and Brian went on to work on the song overnight. They had many run-throughs. Mark was basically singing all night long and Brian played the piano over and over till his hands would hurt. But the two of them were determined to finishing it. They were able to finish and record it at past 2am. After that, they were basically knocked out. It was a long night and sleep was just what they needed. The sun rose, they all woke up and had breakfast. Mark was a little late but he didn’t bother to hurry up as there weren’t a lot of things to do at school anyways.

*

Mark was felt so happy with the song he and Brian have created. He kept humming it all day. After school. He felt quite happy and refreshed and decided to stop by the lake for a few minutes before heading home since he didn’t have any homework to do.

“You look quite unusually happy”

Mark was surprised to see Nicky.

“Well yeah. But can I get honest with you? Can you please be and like less annoying, you’re getting on my nerves. You keep barging in and we’re not even that close.” Mark said.

“Oh sorry.” Nicky felt quite sorry.

“That’s okay.”

“Mind if I sit here with you?

“Yeah sure. Why not?”

“By the way, I like the song. It’s amazing”

“You heard it?”

“Yeah. Aside from Brian letting me hear the finished product, I could hear the both of you last night. Both of you singing with the piano was just too loud, even for my football game at full volume.”

“Sorry about that.”

“S’Fine. Though, let me guess, it’s about Kian, right? And you also?”

“Well yeah. I bet you could relate to it as well. Y’know, not being to show who you really are and people are judging and trying to label you who they think you are. Plus, having a love that just seems so impossible to have.”

“I guess so.”

“How’s you and Brian going? He’s like obsessed with girls and straighter than a ruler. How’d you cope up with it?”

“It’s fine really. He’s cute and all but that’s just that. Had to keep my distance. It’s just impossible for the two of us to be together. Plus, I see him more as a friend, couldn’t even imagine myself ending up with him.”

“Ohh...”

“Yeah.” Nicky replied as the two of them went quiet.

“Does Brian know?”

“Yeah, he does. We don’t really talk about it a lot you know. We talked about it once and that was pretty much it. He seems to be cool about it, which is great.” Nicky laughed.

“How’s it going along between you and Ki?” Nicky asked trying to continue to conversation.

“Uhhh, haven’t seen him for a while.”

“Why?”

“Just not in the mood.”

“Okay then.”

The two of them just sat on the grass watching the lake for a sole quiet 10 minutes. They didn’t speak or look at each other. With the things going on their lives, they had no choice but to settle down, breathe and enjoy the view in front of them. They weren’t happy, they also weren’t sad, they just needed to take a break.

“Marky?” Nicky murmured.

“Yes?”

“First and foremost, although we have mutuals, I am aware that we’re really not that close. But would it be okay to call you ‘Marky’ also?”

“That's and odd question or request but sure.”

“And Marky…”

“Yes?”

“Got any plans this evening?”

“I don’t think so. You?”

“Fancy going to the cinema? They’re broadcasting the final night of Steps’ Gold Tour live in Manchester.”

“Thanks but I don’t know. I mean, it’s not that I don’t trust you or anything but we’ve barely known each other. And I don’t really go out a lot with people. Sorry. Hope you’ll understand.

“I do.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem.” Nicky stated. “Marky?” he then added.

“What is it, Nicky?”

“I’ve brought you coffee though, Just the way you like it.”

“You didn’t have to but thanks.”

Nicky and Mark had spent the rest of the afternoon down by the lake. Had some conversation and stayed there and watched the sun set together. They had a great time. The two of them. They had to go home when it almost turned dark. Although Nicky lived with Brian near the lake, he still insisted on walking Mark home. Mark declined but Nicky just wouldn’t take a no for an answer.  
Mark felt weird having Nicky around but he was a great companion. He seemed quite nice than he expected.

*

It was the perfect day anyone could imagine. The sun was up but it wasn’t too hot. It was windy but not too much. Mark didn’t have classes till the afternoon so he decided to help up with some chores. He hasn’t seen Kian for a while nor any of his friends but that wasn’t really pinned on his mind for he was busy studying for finals. He thought he might’ve been too caught up with Kian and everything around him that he’s forgotten about his upcoming exams. But this morning was different, he wanted to take a break from studying and asked his Mom what he could do for her since he’s got some spare time. However, it seems like all the chores have been done and that there wasn’t anything much to do. But they were running out of groceries. So Mark insisted that he go to the store and get some.

*

“Mark!” Nicky shouted

“Nicky? What brings you here?” Mark felt quite a bit surprised.

“Nothing really. Where you off to?”

“Just gonna do some groceries, that’s all.”

“Can I come?”

“But why?”

“I don’t really have anything else to do and Brian was out of the house so I figured I might drop by since I don’t really know a lot of people around here.”

“I don’t see why not. But why are you all dressed up again? It’s like you’re going to a fashion show or something.”

“Nahh. Just being me.”

“Okay then. Whatever works for you.”

The grocery was surprisingly filled with people. Mark hasn’t been there in ages but it’s not like he’d get lost anything. Although, he didn’t know where he’d find most of the stuff on his grocery list. Luckily, Nicky was there to lend a helping hand. Mark still wasn’t comfortable with Nicky following him around. But he’s realized that maybe Nicky’s a good person after all considering that all his other friends are good friends with Nicky also. Mark was starting to get the hang of having Nicky around rather than being annoyed every time Nicky comes around.

“Uhhh eggs, check. Milk, check. Bread, check. Looks like I’ve got everything on the list.” Mark checking his groceries from his list.

“Kian?” Mark was surprised to see Kian at the grocery store. He didn’t quite know how to react but it wasn’t awkward or anything. But he was glad he saw Kian.

“Mark, how are you? I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“I’m doing good, and you?”

“Doing fine also. It seems like you and what’s his name? Ricky? Ricky Byrne? are getting along quite nicely.”

“It’s Nicky. And yeah, it turns out he was less annoying than I thought he would be.” Mark laughed. “Ah, chips, biscuits, ham, cheese, mayonnaise, some veggies, let’s see what else you’ve got there.” He added.

“Not obvious eh? Probably not off to make some more ham and cheese sandwiches.” Kian laughed. “Quite odd seeing you here, though. It’s usually your Mom and brother who I get to see here quite often.”

“Yeah. Classes aren’t till the afternoon today, so I figured I might help around.”

“Oh right. Gotta go now, mate. Nice bumping into you. Suppose I might see you later at school?”

“Maybe. See you around.”

For the first time, Mark felt quite casual with Kian. He wasn’t nervous or about to explode. He didn’t know why. He seemed quite calm and chilled out unlike the past few weeks. It was a nice feeling, though. Now, he’s just got to find Nicky. Maybe he got lost when he wandered off.

“There you are. I thought I’d lost you.” Mark was relieved to finally find Nicky standing next to the cashier.

“That thing with grocery store, eh? Not the biggest place in the planet but you’d get lost so easily. Probably the best place to play hide and seek, don’t you think? Good thing I’m a pro.”

“Oh come on, Nix. Just admit that you got lost.”

“Nix? That’s a nice nickname.”

“Stop changing the subject. You were probably standing here cause you didn’t know where to find me but knew I was gonna end up here before going home anyway. Though, plus points for strategy.”

“Touché.”

Mark made his way home along with Nicky who helped him carry all the groceries. Mark was glad Nicky came along. He had no idea how heavy all these stuff were. Nicky was a good companion all throughout that Mark almost had no idea how long the queue was at checkout. It was mostly Nicky talking about how good he thinks he is and Mark just couldn’t help but laugh along to what Nicky has to say. Nicky certainly feels good about himself. Well, Nicky was indeed good-looking and charming and he’s also got a captivating and radiant smile. His eyes were blue like Kian’s, and Mark could just feel himself drown in it.

“Uhhh where do I put these?” Nicky asked.

“On the counter please.”

“Thought you said you were helping your parents out but where are they?”

“Probably brought my brother off to school. The line at the grocery was so long I nearly forgot about the time. And oh, Nicky, there’s food on the table. Go eat up, I just gotta go upstairs real quick and get changed for school.”

Mark rushed up to his room to get changed while Nicky sat nicely at the kitchen, eating. It’s not like he was running late for school but rather because of Nicky. He didn’t wanna leave him behind too long. He quite thought that Nicky might cause some mischief but in reality, Nicky was just tired of carrying all those bags. After getting dressed, Mark made his way to the kitchen where Nicky was sat nicely.

“You seem unusually quiet.” Mark chuckled.

“Tired.”

“Oh sorry. I shouldn’t have let you come with me.”

“S’fine.”

“You doing anything tonight?”

“Not much. Will probably just watch football all night. Brian’s out enjoying the night life. So I’m pretty much alone.”

“You could drop by down the lake in the afternoon if you like. I’d meet you on there. I’ll head right over once classes have dismissed. Might treat you as thanks for lending me a helping hand.”

“Okay.”

Mark went to have a sit with Nicky and ate lunch. He put all the other groceries aside, tidied up a bit, got his backpack and went to school. He thanked Kian for helping him out and went their separate ways.

*

There wasn’t really lot to do at school at this time, especially with final exams just a day away. Most students were mostly studying while some were doing their own stuff. Mark couldn’t wait for the semester to end. He was exhausted and felt like he needs a well-deserved break after all of these. He, Kian and Shane all sat next to each other in class where the most of them are usually the noisiest but this time, they barely said a word. They were all too tired and drained. Mark looked at Shane who was half asleep and then looked at Kian whose hair was so shiny and looked so good with his eyes that were as blue as the sky.

“How long till they dismiss class?” Asked Kian who looked all dreamy and cute while constantly fighting to keep his eyes open and not fall asleep.

“10 minutes more.” Mark replied.

“I can’t take this anymore.” Shane added.

“Hang on there, mate. It’s the last week and then we’re off for the holidays.” Said Mark.

“Argh, this week feels longer than a whole year.” Kian snorted.

“Come on, lads. Class will be over soon. Let’s just pack our things up.” Mark encouraged.

The bell rang and the 3 felt so relieved to be out of class. They stepped out of the classroom the moment classes have dismissed. Shane and Mark were together while Kian had seem to just run off.

*

“How’s Kian? Haven’t heard that much about him since the party?” Mark asked curiously. “The same thing with you, haven’t quite talked to you for a while. What’s up?” He added.

“I’m doing good. But Kian isn’t quite feeling the same.”

“Why? What happened?”

“Well, he and Jodi weren’t getting along that well. Then a few days ago, Jodi finally decided to call it quits and left Kian without any definite reason. Since then, he wasn’t quite feeling the way he used to. He barely talks to anyone and goes straight home after class.”“But why? Why didn’t he try to tell me that?”

“He did. He saw you down by the lake a few days ago with Nicky and kind of figured out that maybe it wasn’t the best time to tell you about what he’s going through.”

“But we’re good friends. He knows I’ll always be there for him no matter what the situation is. And why haven’t you told me?”

“You know Kian. Quite cheeky but is the most sensible person you know. He wouldn’t hesitate to come near you if he knows you’re feeling down. But when it comes to himself, he doesn’t think anybody would care so he just distances himself until he gets better. And as for you, I know you weren’t doing well after the party. I was originally gonna tell you but seeing you quite happy these past few days made me thought otherwise.”

“Shane?”

“What’s that?”

“What exactly happened at the party?”

“It was quite a bit of a blur. Jodi’s dad came to pick her up a few minutes you went home. And it pretty much turned into a boy’s night out, except maybe that we were indoors. Kian had brought out some beer. We drank and talked and I was knocked out immediately. Alcohol ain’t really my thing you know.”

“How about Nicky?”

“Why? What about him? Do you like him all of a sudden?”

“What? No.”

“Oh, alright then. He is actually quite nice but is a little cheeky though. Quite a bit like Brian.”

“Oh, okay then. Thanks, Shane. Have a safe journey home.”

“You too.” Said Shane as he ran quickly out towards the gate.


	5. Chapter 5

Mark was strolling his way out the campus. He didn’t really have that much to do so he didn’t bother walking up fast like he normally does. He just took his time and looked around the school. He didn’t realize how nice of a school it was. Maybe because everything felt so fast-paced that he didn’t pay attention to his surroundings. He looked around some more and saw someone quite familiar at a far bench. He went closer to take a look. It was Kian.

Kian sat down the empty bench beside the school grounds. He looked empty, down, blue and seemed like he was holding back his tears from falling. He still couldn’t believe it. He still couldn’t believe why Jodi had left him. He did nothing but give her everything. He sat alone and just basically tried to look at the tree above him and everyone walking right pass through. He wasn’t in the mood to do anything. He used to be full of energy but now he just feels so restless.

“Ki.” Mark said softly slowly coming towards Kian.

“Oh hey Marky. What are you doing here?” Kian looked and wiped a tear off his face.

“Shane told me.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah… May I have a seat?”

“Sure.”

“Sorry if I don’t have some ham and cheese to make you feel better.” Mark joked trying to put a smile on Kian’s face.

“Ha. That’s fine. You’re company is already enough. Though, I’ve got some here in my backpack if you’d like one.” Kian offered.

“No thanks… Would you like to tell me about what happened?”

“Uh. Nothing too long and overly dramatic though. But long story short, She still wasn’t over her ex. I was basically a rebound. Aside from that, used me to make her ex jealous. Eventually, they got to sort things out and then dumped me.”

“That’s… sad.”

“S’okay. Some battles aren’t worth fighting for. You might have won the battle but what you’ve lost is greater than what you would’ve gained.”

“Wow. Where did that come from?” Mark looked surprised to what Kian have just said.

“I dunno. There are just those times where you’re just too emotionally distorted that you get to come up with words you never would’ve thought you’d come up with.” Kian laughed. “Don’t get me wrong though, she is a nice girl it’s just that maybe we weren’t for each other.” Kian added.

“I guess so.” Mark replied. “How are you though? I mean, you’re obviously not happy but you know what I mean…”

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Mostly random stuff. I’m try’na distract myself.

“That’s cool.”

“It is. Finally got the motivation to study. You must be so proud of me.”

“Not really if it means you being heartsick. I’d rather see the joyful version of you.”

“Don’t worry, I’m good.”

“Walk you home?” Mark asked glancing over Kian. He didn’t look quite okay. But he kept trying to convince Mark that he was. But Mark knew that Kian was going through a tough time which he thought Kian just couldn’t tell. He could see the pain in Kian’s eyes and wanted to comfort and be there for him just like what Kian does to him whenever he feels down.

“I’ll be fine. I’m not a little kid.”

“I wasn’t asking for your permission. Now get up, lad. Let’s go.”

Kian and Mark got up the bench they were sitting on and started to walk slowly out of school. It seems that they were talking on the bench for quite a while as most students have already gotten home. The school was pretty much empty. Mark and Kian took their time and observed the school on their way out. It was odd seeing without most of the students scattered around the area. It was also quiet which was a relief. The air was calm and there hadn’t seemed to be any tension. It was peaceful. It was the first week of December, therefore the wind was also getting cold. But there wasn’t any snow. However, it was going dark before their very eyes. But Mark wasn’t worried at all. It’s not like someone would pull out a gun in front of him or anything. But he felt safe with Kian. Kian wasn’t doing anything but somehow Mark just felt like he was protected. They arrived at Kian’s home at around 5:30pm where the sun had already set.

“It’s chilly outside. Why don’t you come in for a minute for some tea?”

“Thanks.”

It was unusually getting cold fast compared to the previous days. Mark wanted to hesitate Kian’s offer but he was terribly freezing. He needed to warm himself up. He had no choice but to agree.

Mark then followed Kian to the kitchen. Mark sat on top of the counter while Kian poured some water to the kettle. He then got the cups and tea bags while waiting for the water to boil. Mark couldn’t bother but to look at Kian. He was so accommodating and kind. The way he moves, he speaks was just soothing to look and the way Kian talks was just music to his ears. He loves Kian. He really does. Kian then poured the water on the cups after it had finished boiling and then started to have a conversation with Mark.

“Sugar?” Kian asked

“No. thanks”

“Don’t you find it quite funny though? Just last week we were in here having dinner and introduced you to Jodi. And now she’s gone.” Kian giggled.

“Yeah.” Mark replied as he looked back on that night where he felt so hurt and stunned when Kian had introduced Jodi. Although it had torn his heart apart, he didn’t want Jodi to leave Kian. He couldn’t bear seeing Kian shattered. However, it was probably for the best that the two of them aren’t together if it meant Kian being a rebound. He could also recall sitting on the very chair where he was trying to hold back his tears and Nicky choking over his drink laughing at him.

Nicky.

He promised Nicky he’d go down by the lake after class. But he forgot because he was busy trying to comfort Kian. He also didn’t keep track of the time. Nicky has probably waited there for hours. Mark felt really bad about Nicky waiting for him there considering how cold it has gotten and dark it already was. He then went to finish up his tea quick despite it being hot.

“Ki. Thanks, mate. I have to get going though.” Mark mumbled.

“All of a sudden? Again? Why? Are you trying to avoid me?”

“No, it’s not that?”

“Why though?”

“I forgot I had to be elsewhere.”

“Again? Where?”

“Nicky. I was supposed to meet him after class. I, I forgot to keep track of the time. I’m so sorry.”

“Oh… Wait.” Kian replied as he rushed to his bedroom to get something. “Here. You can borrow my coat. It’s quite chilly outside. Have a safe journey home afterwards.” Kian added he lead Mark through the doorway.

“Thanks, Ki. Bye.”

Mark then headed to the lake running fast. He felt quite guilty. He didn’t have an idea to how Nicky would react once he sees him. He doesn’t even know if Nicky was still there or if he had went home. Regardless of all the possibilities, all Mark thought about was getting there. He did make it to the lake after running as fast as he possibly could. He was out of breath and tired from all that running. It was night time already but thankfully the moon and the stars were shining quite bright that time. He went on to look for Nicky. He went straight ahead to his spot to check if Nicky was still there. There was a man sitting there. He approached him and yup, it was Nicky. Waiting.

“Nix!” Mark stated sounding all breathy.

“Mark. I thought you weren’t gonna show up.” Nicky said disappointingly.

“Sorry. I thought you could’ve gotten home by now.”

“I did. Just got myself a jacket and went back here.”

“Oh shit.” Mark stated.

“Why? What’s wrong?” Nicky asked suddenly looking all worried ‘bout Mark.

“I said I’d treat you but it’s late and probably all the stores have closed by now. And I was trying to get here as fast as I could that I forgot to drop by and get some food. Shit. I’m really sorry.”

“S’okay.” Nicky smiled.

Mark started to feel humiliated towards Nicky. He didn’t know what else to do. All the stores nearby have probably closed. However, there are some at center-town that are sure to be open. But that’s a bit far away. He could ask Nicky to come with him there but it will involve a lot of walking and he’s already felt bad enough for him waiting. Mark just stood there thinking. Nicky couldn’t even bother looking at him. Nicky wasn’t mad though, but he is disappointed, that’s for sure.  
It was a chilly night. Nicky was fine waiting for Mark but he seriously wouldn’t let himself freeze in the cold. So he set up a camp fire upon waiting for Mark. Now, he just stared at it blankly. The two of them went quiet but their thoughts surely weren’t. Mark obviously couldn’t break the silence. He was afraid that Nicky might punch him, burn him then drown him straight down the lake. I mean, he knew that Nicky wouldn’t actually do that but he just couldn’t help thinking.

“Mark.” Nicky spoke softly. “Everything’s fine though. I’m not actually hungry. I already ate before I went on here.” Nicky smiled trying to sooth Mark down as he started to look like he was silently having a panic attack.

“Still... I’m sorry.” Mark insisted.

“All’s good. I’m just glad you’re safe. I was starting to get worried. Why were you so late though?” Nicky wondered. He couldn’t stay mad at Mark. He felt quite rather relieved than angry. Mark could’ve forgot to be there but that seems unlikely. So he thought that maybe something bad might’ve happened to Mark. But he’s here now. Safe and in one piece.

“Remember how I told you that I haven’t heard from Kian for a while?”

“Yeah. What about it? Did something happen to Kian?”

“Nothing between the matter of life and death though, calm down. Shane told me that Kian and Jodi had gone their separate ways and that Kian had seem very sad these past few days and was distancing himself from everyone and everything. So I thought maybe he needed a friend.”

“That’s nice of you.”

“Yeah but the opposite for you.”

“Nahh, don’t worry ‘bout me.” Nicky insisted. “You could sit down if you like. You’ve been standing there since you’ve got here.”

“Thanks. I was actually starting to get tired aside from all that running.”

Mark then sat down next to Nicky. They haven’t done anything else. However, it felt a little less awkward when Nicky broke silence and asked Mark to sit down. So he did. It was indeed a chilly night. Mark was grateful that Kian had lent him his jacket. There wasn’t really much to do there, so Mark just looked at the fire blankly along with Nicky.

“So what do we do now?” Mark asked.

“Dunno. Chilling here is just fine. Literally chilling.” Nicky laughed. There was a smile on his face. His cheeks were also blushing with the temperature being down. His lips were also cracking but both of them didn’t mind. Nicky was just happy to be there with Mark.

“Yeah. Good thing there’s something to warm us up. Get it? The fire burning?”

“Oh god, Marky. If you’re trying to put that Nicky Burn pun, better just keep it. I’ve already got that a lot.”

“Oh”

“Yup”

Their conversations were pretty much short. Had some silence in between of those. Nicky still looked blankly at the fire as if it’s the first time he’d seen it. Mark liked being there also but he couldn’t bother but look around. There was really nothing much to see since it’s nighttime. He just glanced over the lake’s reflection which was beside Nicky. Whether he wanted to or not, he had no choice but to look at Nicky. He was wearing a black trench coat with a brown shirt underneath. Mark couldn’t thought of anything else. He stared at Nicky and just smiled and thought of how a good person he is. He was probably too busy with Kian that he hadn’t noticed Nicky right beside him. Nicky on the other hand looked like there was a lot going through his mind. He wasn’t speaking. Didn’t even bother looking at Mark for even a second. He didn’t look sad or mad either.

“Nicky? Is there something wrong?”

“No but maybe yes. Nothing serious or worry about.” Nicky shrugged as he finally turned to look at Mark. “You really like Kian, don’t you?” Nicky asked.

“I suppose so. Why?”

“Nothing really. Just asking.”

“Okay?” Mark replied curiously to why Nicky suddenly had asked him that question. “You’re gay, right?” Mark interrupted.  
Nicky had a small giggle. “Uh, yeah. Why’d you ask all of a sudden?”

“Dunno. It just seems so unlikely.”

“Yeah. That’s what they tell me also.”  
It was starting to get late that night but the two of them had barely talked properly. It was also getting a lot colder. Nicky then looked at Mark who had gone quiet and for the past few minutes. It was like the two of them had switched places. Mark stared blankly at the fire and Nicky was the one who started observing the surroundings.

“Mark.” Nicky called softly. Mark then turned around to look over Nicky and raised both of his eyebrows, “What’s that?”

“Can I tell you something?”

“Yeah, sure. Go ahead. I’ll listen.”

“Only if you promise to not get mad… Or you can, if you like. Completely up to you.”

“Why? What is it?”

Mark’s heartbeat started to beat a bit faster. What could possibly Nicky tell him that might cause him to get mad? And also how bad it is or maybe he told Kian or it could basically any fucking thing on earth. Mark looked curious and nervous but whatever that Nicky might tell him, the burden would be on him since he’s the one who asked if he’d be mad of what Nicky had to say.

Things were also the same to Nicky. He felt nervous. He couldn’t move. He didn’t know what to say. He did know what to say though, he just didn’t have the guts to upright say it to Mark. What if Mark gets mad? What if Mark would never want to talk to him again? There were boundless possibilities of what might happen if he told Mark. But he thought to himself, he could just twist what he was supposed to say to something else. Mark probably won’t notice.

“Best of luck, mate!” Nicky smiled nervously trying to deceive Mark.

“Luck for what?” Mark curiously asked.

“Your exams, of course. It’s tomorrow, right?”

“Well, yeah. Is that all?”

“Yup”

“Are you sure?”

“There is another thing, though.”

“Shoot”

“I already had to leave tomorrow morning.”

Mark was in shock to what Nicky had just said. Yes, maybe the two of them weren’t as close as him and Kian but he didn’t want Nicky to go. Maybe not now, soon or maybe ever. Nicky was a nice friend and he just couldn’t believe he had to leave all of a sudden. Nicky started to look sad but tried to keep a smile on his face. He saw how Mark had reacted to what he had said and kindly also felt bad about having have to leave. He didn’t want to leave. He wanted to stay and maybe perhaps stay there for good.

“Why do you have to leave so soon?” Mark started to tear up a little.

“It’s the holidays. Have to spend it with the family.” Nicky tried to smile forcefully.

“What time are you leaving?”

“Train leaves at 9am.”

“Is this like for real or are you just trying to distract me from something else you wanted to tell me?”

“Well, I did say I only gonna be here for a short while.” Nicky explained as he went on to show Mark his train ticket. “And uhh, Mark? It’s getting late. You’ve got school and I’ve still got to pack…”

“Oh, right. Of course. Let’s go?”

The two of them stood up from the ground put out the fire. They then went to pick up their backpacks and started their way home. It was late and freezing, they obviously didn’t want to walk slowly so they started brisk walking. Nicky stays at Brian’s who isn’t that far from the lake but he insisted to walk Mark home.

“Thanks for walking me home, though I’ve already kept you waiting there in the cold for so long.”

“S’Fine.” Nicky insisted. “Oh and Marky…”

“Yes?”

“Can I get a hug?”

“No. I don’t think so.” Mark laughed. “Maybe if you don’t leave I suppose I can.”

“Mark…”

“No. Just kidding. You can, but not now. I’ll give you one before you ride the train tomorrow.”

“Oh… Okay. See you tomorrow then.”

Nicky felt a bit blue when Mark hesitated to give him a hug. But he didn’t take it seriously. He just managed to take it casually. He then started to turn around and go home till Mark called upon him.

“Nicky…”

“Oh?” Nicky stopped walking, looked back and turned towards Mark.

“Care to drop by for breakfast tomorrow at 7?” Mark offered.

“Uh, yeah, sure. Why not?”

“Great. See you then.”

Mark and Nicky then waved goodbye. Nicky made his way home back to Brian’s house and Mark went inside. Mark then went immediately up his room. He had a long day. He was extremely knackered. He wanted to think but there was a lot for him to process. Kian wasn’t okay and Nicky had to leave first thing tomorrow morning. Not to mention that his final exams were also tomorrow. He didn’t even bother studying. Mark just tried to refresh and familiarize himself with all the topics they had discussed and hopes he doesn’t flunk it big time. He tried to breathe in each and one of them one by one. He knew he had to face all of them anyways, so why worry? Nicky had arrived home shortly. He had a rather long tiring day despite sitting in the cold for hours trying to wait for Mark. But he had no hard feelings. It was definitely fine with him. At least Mark still bothered to come. For all he know Mark could’ve just let him hanging there, but he didn’t. He felt sad that he had to go but there’s just one thing that’s bugging him that’s keeping him from sleeping.

“Can’t sleep?” Brian asked glancing over Nicky who had seem to be troubling and rumbling about the slightest things.

“Yeah.” Nicky replied. He went on and got up from his bed and start going through his stuff from the drawer and got his suitcase. “Might as well pack up now since I haven’t got anything to do.”

“You haven’t told Mark, have you?”

“Well, I did tell him we’re heading home tomorrow.”

“Y’know that’s not what I’m referring to…”

“I haven’t, then.”

Brian looked odd at Nicky but there wasn’t much that he could do. Nicky went to pack his clothes though he seemed to have a hard time. Brian just looked at him blankly till he’d eventually fallen asleep. Nicky couldn’t really focus on packing so he just went to his bed and slept. It’s not like packing up clothes would take him hours to finish so he kinda just let it there.

The next morning came. Mark woke up early to go prepare breakfast. He knew it had to be special but nothing too extravagant. He doesn’t know how to cook that much so he thought he’d cook what some typical families would have for breakfast. Eggs, pancake and some bacon. He didn’t know how it would taste like but he’s just hoping that it wouldn’t taste that awful. It was 5 past 7, Mark was just waiting for Nicky to arrive at any minute.

“Knock, knock?” There was a knock at the door just in time Mark had finished preparing breakfast. He came rushing to the door. He knew it was Nicky, who else could it be?

“Oh, hey, you made it.” Mark greeted Nicky with all smiles.

“Yeah. Good morning, Marky!” Nicky greeted as well. Despite having have to leave in a while, Nicky had seem to look very happy also. The sun wasn’t quite up yet but the two’s faces were already lighted up.

“So, how’s it been for you?” Mark asked Nicky as they made their way to the kitchen to eat.

“Not much. Gutted that I have to go, though. I’ll miss all of you. I’ll miss Sligo too. I mean, I love Dublin but the two are like very different places and there’s just something quite special in both.”

“Well, Sligo has me. Maybe that’s why you don’t wanna leave.” Mark joked.

“Fuck off”

“Nahh, I’m just kidding.”

They were supposed to have breakfast but Mark hadn’t seem to have touched his plate. He only stared at Nicky as he ate. But the two of them were having a great conversation that Nicky almost couldn’t eat or he did, but while his mouth was full.

“Is this goodbye?” Mark asked.

“Well, for now, it is. But that doesn’t mean I’ll never come back. Dublin isn’t another country, you know?”

“Well, that’s right. Now I’m gonna shut up so you could eat properly. Help yourself, you’re too skinny.”

“I’m fit.”

“Sure you are.”

Mark went on to grab a plate and ate along with Nicky. It was a nice morning, a nice moment to start the day. A few minutes after, Nicky grabbed his glass of milk and drank it to finish off his meal and so did Mark. That was a fantastic breakfast. But Mark started to become upset. He didn’t want Nicky to leave. Nicky was a great friend, companion, someone he gets to share some of his thoughts, and someone who is exactly just like him.

“Nicky?”

“Yes?”

“Do you really have to go?”

“Yeah…” Nicky replied. He was smiling forcefully but it was pretty much clear in both his eyes that he also didn’t want to leave.

“Please stay? Just for a while more? Final exams are later and you could join us celebrate later… and uhm there's always another train to Dublin. And chances are me, Shane, and Kian might go on a trip to Dublin after all this for a short while. We could drop you off there if you like.”

“Uhhh. I suppose so? Maybe?”

“Yeah, and you could show us around. Well, that is only if you want to.”

“Hmmmm, okay then.”

Mark felt quite happy and so did Nicky. They were having a blast that they had let time fly pass by and before they knew it, Mark had to leave for school.

“Aren’t you supposed to be getting ready now?”

“Yeah, I definitely should.”

“I think so too. I’ll go ahead. See you later?”

“Of course!”

“Make sure you ace it eh Marky?”

“I’ll see”

“Okay, thanks. Bye. I’ll catch you later. Thanks for breakfast. I might actually eat a lot more often.”

“Ha. Okay, mate. Bye!”

They both bid their goodbyes. Mark had closed the door after Nicky had left and went straight to his room. He still had plenty of time to get ready but he wanted to take his time and not stress himself with time pressure. He sat down on his bed, closed his eyes, had a few breathing exercises. He didn't pray to get the highest mark but to rather at least not to flunk his whole exam. He’s waited, studied and prepared a long time for this and now it’s finally here. He stood up went in front of his mirror, looked at himself and reminded how a nice, brave and confident person he is. After a few short minutes of meditating, he then went to have a relaxing shower.

After showering, he went to suit up, grabbed his things and placed it in his backpack and went to school. There was a lot of people at school. It was like everyone was present. There were even some who only came to school just for the exam and would then wander off during regular classes. Mark felt a little nervous but it was nothing he can’t handle. He made his way to his classroom. He saw Shane and Kian sitting at a bench. They were probably waiting for Mark as they immediately stood up upon seeing him.

“Hey Marky. Ready?” Kian asked

“I hope so. How about you two?”

“We hope so too” Shane laughed

“Say. Won’t you lads go with me and celebrate at the pub later this evening, eh? After all this is over. After all, after the exams, that’s pretty much it. All we have left to do is wait for the results, hope we don’t fail and enjoy the start of the holidays.” Kian enthusiastically offered.

“You mean go out and get drunk?” Mark asked.

“Uhh, kind of. It’s just for tonight and we aren’t little kids anymore.”

“How about a trip to Dublin this weekend instead?”

“Woah. That’s a great idea. Sure, we’d like to come.” Shane agreed.

“Or we can do both?” Kian insisted.

“Okay then, if it’ll make you happy.”

“Thanks, lads.”

“Sure, don’t mention it. We should probably walk a lot faster and continue talking once we arrive in our classroom. We certainly don’t wanna be late.”

“Right.”

The three of them rushed to their classroom as fast as they could as if they were 3 little kids playing tag. They were noisy, yes but that was probably okay cause exams haven’t started yet and almost everyone was talking about either how nervous they were or how badly they are looking forward for the holidays already.

“So… pub later then Dublin on weekend? Kian asked.

“You got it.”

“Can’t wait”

“Me too.”

*

A few minutes have gone by and their teacher has arrived. They all went on to take a deep breath before the exams started. They all just hope that they pass and end the semester on a high.

“Okay. Paper and pencil only. Have light snacks if necessary and bags at the front” The teacher has explained. “I wish you all good luck and happy holidays.” He then added.

The class have now then started to take their exams. Kian felt quite confident as he kept himself busy studying these past few days. So exam days didn’t really bother him that much. Shane was a smart guy and doesn’t even need to study. He’s got facts and basic stock knowledge at pretty much everything. So there’s no doubt that he’d easily pass all his subjects. Mark on the other hand felt all the nerves. He’s got the highest marks compared to Shane and Kian but there’s just a lot that has happened to him recently. Even though he’s very well aware about the syllabus, he’s still quite nervous that he might flunk his exams. It’s not that he doesn’t know whether he’s got the knowledge or not, it’s just that he tends to be pessimistic about everything. He focuses more on the negative things that might happen.

A few hours have gone by, it seemed like everyone has become a lot more comfortable and didn’t seem as stressed as much as they did earlier when they started. Although Mark had a rough and problematic start, he was almost finished with his exams before anyone else. Kian and Shane were just chill looking at their test papers taking their time answering the questions. After a few minutes, Mark had finished his exams. He was extremely relieved that it’s finally over with. He stood up, gave his answer sheet to their teacher and went back to his seat to wait for Shane and Kian to finish. Mark then went to grab his bag to pack up his stuff which was basically a piece of pencil. He opened his backpack and was surprised to see a pack of biscuits inside with a little stick note attached on it.

“BEST OF LUCK MARKY!!! –NIX x”

Mark’s face suddenly lighted when he saw the note and biscuits that Nicky had put on his backpack. Soon enough, Kian and Shane finished their exams almost at the same time. The two of them have then submitted their papers and got their bags. Mark then bid his goodbye to their teacher and went out first to where Shane and Kian immediately followed.

“How was it, yeah?” Shane asked.

“S’fine. Quite easy in general. Though there were questions I completely had no idea about.” Kian answered.

“Average, I would say.” Mark added.

“Yeah I suppose so too.” Kian agreed. “So it’s almost 2pm, where we off to?”

“I say home. I need to refresh my mind first.” Mark answered.

“How about food?” Kian asked. “Maybe Shane could serve us some treat at his diner for an exam well done?”

“Nah, I don’t think so.” Shane snorted.

“Just have a light snack and save your appetite for later.” Mark sighed.

“Fine. See you guys later then.”

“Bye.”

*

“So how’s you and Nicky?” Shane asked.

“How’s me and what now?” Mark exclaimed.

“You and Nicky. Kian told me you were gonna meet him down by the lake.”

“Oh god. He just doesn’t keep his mouth shut.”

“Nahh, that’s cool. You’re gonna tell me about it anyways.”

“Yeah, sure. Whatever.” Mark laughed.

“So, how are you then?”

“Just the same as usual. He’s about to leave for Dublin later I think, if not maybe he’d go along with us to Dublin so he could stay a bit more.”

“Oh… that’s sad.”

“By the way, he put a pack of biscuits in my bag with a little note attached on it.” Mark chuckled.

“Marky?” Shane interrupted.

“Yes?”

“Nicky clearly likes you. If you still couldn’t tell by now.”

“What? No. We’re good friends.”

“Well yeah, maybe on your part.”

“I doubt it. Plus, you know how mad I am about Kian, right?”

“I do. But that’s you, how about what Nicky feels towards you? Well, you know what? Nevermind. Forget I ever brought this up.”

“Okay. My home’s here. See you at six.”

“Alright, see you then.”

Mark thought about what Shane had said. What if Nicky did like him? And what if he was also starting to like Nicky back. Regardless of both, he just chose to ignore. Maybe Nicky was just trying to be friendly. Plus, he’s consider Nicky as a friend by now maybe that’s why he doesn’t want to let him go.

*

Mark arrived home and went straight upstairs to his room. He feels so relieved that the exams are finally over and it's time for holiday. He think he did well. Nothing to confident but also not to the point where he'd be incredibly anxious about his performance. Mark was tired but at least he was happy. For the first time, he wasn't too obsessed with Kian and that today had seem rather calm than his recent usual lowkey panic. It was a great day, it truly was. On the other hand, it was quite tiring as well. Mark lied to his bed to take a quick nap before going to the pub in the evening.

3 hours later. Mark woke up to what appears his family making all the ruckus downstairs. He was a bit annoyed but somehow thankful because he forgot to set an alarm. It was nearly 6 in the evening. Mark got up to take a quick shower and dressed some nice apparel. He fixed and combed his hair and made sure that he looked presentable despite the chance that he might end up horrendously awful later on once they start drinking.

"Marky?" Mark's mom called out.

"Yes, mam?"

"Nicky and Brian are here."

"Okay. I'm heading down as we speak."

Nicky and Brian stood at the doorway. Brian looked great as usual. He tends to look fit and cute as without even trying. And Nicky, Nicky looked so stylish and sophisticated. Aside from his cool looks and nice attitude, he surely has taste when it comes to fashion stuff.

"Hey Bri, Hey Nix." Mark greeted.

"What's up, Marky? Shall we get going?"

"Yes, of course. Let's go."

The three soon made their way to the pub. It's been a while since the four of them went out together, except for now that Nicky is involved. Nicky was a great companion for Mark. He felt like he was there for him despite not really being that close to him. He feels connected in way maybe because he thought they were both gay also and he'd understand accurately how it feels living a life similar to his. They rode a taxi on their way to the pub. The night was quite chilly. It seems like there's a thunderstorm coming towards town but they couldn't care nonetheless.

Brian sat next to the driver while Nicky and Mark sat at the back.

“Are you still heading home tonight?” Mark asked.

“Well, I kinda though about. I think not. I might go along with you guys when you go drop by to Dublin instead.”

“That’s great! Thanks, Nix.”

They arrived in the pub a good 20 minutes after. The town had rather seemed quiet than usual. There used to be people across the streets at this time but somehow the streets were empty.


	6. Chapter 6

"Shane! Kian! There you two are!"

"Hey, you guys. You finally made it."

"Why don't we find a place to settle, eh?"

"Yeah, that's good. You guys go ahead. I'd go get us some drinks."

"Brilliant"

"Okay..."

"Ok"

The lads have sat in a long kind of couch like chair. It was lush just looking at it but it kinda felt too comfortable for a seat in a pub. Anyways, it was elegant. They have chosen this pub that was a lot more quiet than the other typical pubs you hear about. There wasn't too much incredibly loud music and people rumbling on the dancefloor, or people fighting and punching each other to death. This one was nice. There was music but it was just right. There were people dancing, but they were also dancing accordingly and not trashing the place down.

"Ahhh. Finally" Shane grasped.

"Finally what?" Asked Mark.

"It's the holidays, mate! No school to think about. What's left is basically all the fun stuff."

"Say, Bri and Nicky. We're heading to Sligo this weekend. We can't wait to see what the city holds."

"I wouldn't say much though. Well, I would but in a "way too much" way without context." Brian replied.

"What the fuck is that?"

"Nothing. Just see it with your own eyes."

"Hey, Ki, what'd you get us?"

"Uhm, I've got us some Sunset Rum, Devil’s Springs Vodka, and a Bacardi."

"What the fuck are those?"

"Not quite sure, lads. They sound great though." Kian laughed. "I also got some fish and chips."

"Quite posh."

The night went on and they were drinking a lot more than they should have. Kian was probably the only one drinking what he had ordered. They had some additional beers and they all went to drink it as well. Brian was dancing hard on the dancefloor grooving seemingly to the music. Shane was already knocked out. Kian who had drunk quite a few had seem dizzy but was still in control. Mark, on the other hand wasn't feeling so great. Drinking wasn't his thing. He only wanted to give it a try to make up for Nicky and because he knew Kian was gonna be there. Nicky had drank quite some beers as well. Though the alcohol didn't seem to have any effect on his body at all.

"I... uhhh, I don't think I could hold this much more." Mark said.

"Come on now there, Mark. Let's take you to the loo." Nicky said.

"Thanks."

Nicky held Mark and went to assist him on their way to the loo. Mark was a bit heavy but not heavy enough for Nicky not to carry. Mark felt quite awful. He had his eyes shut. All he know that maybe Nicky could kidnap him or anything but he didn’t think about that anymore. He felt comfortable with Nicky and he kinda made him feel safe. Mark felt like he didn’t have to worry about anything cause Nicky was there. He seemed quite protected and grateful for having Nicky.

*

"Arrrrrgghhhhh. I think I puked all of my organs out. Arghh this is so awful and disgusting and painful" Mark started crying. "My head hurts so fucking bad and my stomach feels like it's having an earthquake. When will this stop?! Please kill me now."

"Looks can be deceiving. Maybe next time try to drink responsibly?" Nicky laughed.

"Piss off. I didn't know it was gonna end up like this. It didn't feel bad at the start."

"Okay then. Let's head back, but no more drinking."

"Duh"

*

Nicky and Mark went back to their place. It was only the two of then sitting there at that time. Mark wonders where the others had ran off to but he's sure they could pretty much manage. They both sat down. Nicky was a bit dizzy but he was absolutely fine. Mark, on the other hand was having a terrible headache and still wanted to throw up. His eyes were pretty much closed and he wouldn't even bother opening them as he was feeling extremely nauseous but other than that, he was pretty much okay.

"Marky? Can I honest with you?" Nicky said slowly.

"I'm barely alive, Nicky. But yeah sure go on."

"I... uhm... I don't know. Can I ask you something instead?"

"You already are. What is it? just shoot"

"What were you to do if someone confesses that they like you?"

"What? Me? Why would anyone like me? Is this some kind of a joke?"

"Oh."

"Just kidding. I dunno, It'll probably pretty much be the same I think. Why'd you ask?"

"Nothing..."

"You sure?"

"No."

"Just spill the tea already."

“What tea?”

“Oh… Nix…” Mark sighed.

Nicky felt red and anxious. He pretty much didn't know what to do. Mark had seem pretty drunk, though. Nicky thought that maybe if he told Mark, Mark would probably forget it the morning he woke up. Nonetheless, he was mortified. Nicky didn't know whether he wanted to actually speak up or not. Though, he wanted this off his chest somehow. Plus, he was about to leave anyways. What big of a deal could there be? And Mark seems like a genuinely nice person.

"Marky?"

"Nicky?"

"Can I get a hug though?"

"No."

"Okay..."

"And Marky?"

"Yes?"

"I'm not gonna go and upright tell you this. But... I kinda wanna be there for you, you know? I wanna be there when you reach your dreams every step of the way. Like whether you fall down or stumble, rest assured that I'll be at the bottom ready to catch you. I wanna experience how a year feels like 10 seconds. How pain, pride and anger somehow fades away in an instant. Share happiness, sadness, pain and another type of emotion that there still isn't any clear word for yet. I mean, this could mean very different things in a whole lot of perspectives. But I'm kinda shy to tell you what precisely. I kinda wanna leave the context to you. I know you get what I mean."

"Oh..." Mark stuttered.

"Are... Are you mad?" Nicky felt sorry for himself.

"No."

Mark didn't know exactly how to feel. Happy because Nicky liked him. And that maybe he was a little bit of a coward for not admitting that he kinda liked Nicky too, even just for a bit. That maybe Nicky wouldn't be that hard to love since Nicky already likes him. However, he thought about Kian. Kian is not that easy to replace. He loved Kian all his life and he's just not ready to take the risk of giving Nicky a chance and then end up ditching him because he still liked Kian. Nicky was a really nice guy though. But Nicky had to leave. Mark was having an intensely hard time thinking thing through, not to mention that he was feeling extremely ill from drinking too much.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. It's just... damn, my head feels like it's gonna explode."

"Fancy a glass of ice-cold soda then?" Nicky offered.

"I still ain't giving you no hug..."

"Ha. Seems fine to me. I'll be back. Don't run off, will ya?" Nicky laughed about how Mark keeps refusing to give him a hug but that was okay. When he carried Mark in his arms, that was probably the closest Nicky felt towards him and couldn’t really complain.

It was about 2am. The music was still playing, but not as loud as it used to. The massive rainstorm from outside can now be heard inside. Mark opened his eyes to take a quick peek but everything seems to be quite blurry. He wanted to sleep but he just could not and would not want to do it there. But Nicky was there, and he knows that Nicky won’t let anything happen to him. So he thought he could basically sleep right there being care-free. The dancefloor was empty. All the other spots in the pub were filled with drunk people. But at least, he had peace of mind of not getting robbed since everyone in there was almost knocked out.

Nicky was rather taking quite some time getting Mark sodas. But Mark didn't bother. At least Nicky was there to protect and care for him whilst the others had seem to leave or probably in just some random spot in the pub or have fallen asleep in the loo. Who knows?

*

"Hey Mark!"

"Brian? Is that you?" Mark took a peak struggling to speak.

"Who else, mate?"

"So, uhmm. How's it going?"

"Has Nicky told you yet?"

"Uhh, yeah? So you know about it then?"

"Kind of... But hey Marky, don't feel bad. It wasn't your fault."

"Huh? What wasn’t my fault?"

"I mean Jodi kinda still liked her ex anyways."

"What are you talking about?"

"Plus we were all really drunk back then Nicky didn't actually mean to tell Kian..."

"Nicky didn't mean to tell Kian what?" ark who was intensely dizzy and could barely open his eyes suddenly felt quite all the energy and started to heat up. It seems like blood had went through his veins in his entire body. Everything Brian was saying started to all make sense. Nicky had indeed told Kian. Mark didn't know what to do. He wanted to scream so loud but couldn't bother to do so. He was so mad that he actually was so calm.

"That you fancied Kian?"

"Oh, there you two are." Nicky interrupted.

Mark stood up immidiately and punched Nicky in the face. He just couldn't contain his anger. The sodas Nicky was carrying all went straight to the floor.

"What the actual?? What was that for?" Nicky asked as he gasped for face that was somehow bleeding.

"Kian."

"What about him? Oh, Brian..." Nicky sighed.

"Oh my. I didn't mean to... I thought you already told... Okay, I'm out of here. You two sort yourselves out."

"Mark, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to—"

"I freaking asked you! You know how badly it felt to me."

"We were so drunk and I—"

"You were fucking drunk? I'm fucking drunk too right now. Does that mean I can do whatever I want and not be responsible for it, eh?"

Mark punched Nicky really hard on his left shoulder once again and then his face. Nicky was badly hurt but he did feel guilty and couldn't bother to hit Mark back. But Mark was intensely angry and chased Nicky out of the pub.

The rain was pouring excessively. They could barely see anything. The streetlights were creating a big blur with the rain. The only distinction they could see was the traffic lights. The streets were empty and quiet but somehow loud cause of the rain. Mark and Nicky were soaking wet outside. But Mark just couldn't help himself. He wanted to hit Nicky so badly.

"Mark, Please let me explain I didn't actually mean to. Just please..." Nicky cried out. "Kian actually had a feeling when I accidentally told him."

"And what about Jodi? Explain that!" Mark shouted hysterically. "He loved her so much. What was it about me that caused them to break up?"

"It wasn't you, Mark. It was just some reason she used to get break up with Kian. She knows he'd choose you over her so she made it seem like it was Kian's and your fault." Nicky cried while he's almost laid down in the middle of the road.

"You all fucking betrayed me!" Mark started to cry curling himself up at the side of the pavement. "You, Shane, Kian, everyone!"

"The party was so fucked up Marky. Everything had seem almost quite unreal. We almost couldn't remember anything. And then the next day, Kian had asked me and I just couldn't lie. And Shane, he was completely clueless. I am so sorry." Nicky tried to explain.

Mark was crying so much tears but it didn't matter cause of the rain. He was all curled up and didn't care that he was soaking wet. He was so hurt and surprised about everything. Mark had seem to just wanna lie and stay there for good.

It was probably nearly 2:30am at that time. Strangely, there was some loud noise fast approaching their way and some bright beam that Mark just couldn't bother but look.

"Nicky! Get the fuck away from there!"

BAAAANGGGG!

Nicky turned and started to move but he just couldn't make it out in time. It was too late.

A small red Honda car had hit Nicky. Mark wanted to chase the car but Nicky had seem far more important. Mark was crying excessively as he rushed over Nicky. Despite the rain washing everything away, there was still so much blood at Mark hands as he held on to Nicky. Mark was so stunned at how fast everything went. He was so furious for not getting the car's plate as he could barely see anything. He did manage to identify it as old and rusted-looking but it ran quite fast. Mark didn't know what exactly more he could do.

"Help! Please... Help!" Mark shouted hoarsely as he gasped for air while desperately crying.

"Nicky... Please... don't... Nix, please."

People from inside the pub had heard Mark's cry for help and immediately called an ambulance.

"Nicky... please, wake up. Please, Nicky"


	7. Chapter 7

"It's all my fault." Mark cried out loud.

"Come on now, It's not. That's not what you should be focusing right now, finding someone to blame. No one wanted this to happen, you know that. You go get changed. You're still soaking wet. I got you some clothes."

"No, I can't. What, what if something happens again and I, I didn't... and I can't let anyhing bad happen again."

"I know but at least go change your clothes first. You're shivering ever since I got here. I'll go keep an eye on Nicky." Shane exclaimed.

Nicky was rushed at the nearest hospital in Sligo. Mark had went along in the ambulance ride. Nicky was rushed into the emergency room and Mark couldn't do anything about it but cry, hope, and wait. Nicky had felt so close yet so far. He's been there for almost an hour walking back and forth while waiting for what the doctors have to say. He was still soaking wet and had waited at least about an hour before finally going to a payphone to call Shane despite not knowing where Shane could possibly be at that moment.

It was absolutely freezing cold. But Mark? He almost couldn't feel anything but pain, sadness, agony. Everything.

Shane was already at home when he received the telephone call from Mark. He was a bit hungover but he was pretty mush sane and could think and act properly. He rushed to the hospital as soon as the call has ended.

*

"Thanks, Shane." Mark smiled.

"Don't mention it. Anything for you and Nicky as well, I suppose." Shane replied. "Here, I also got us some hot chocolate. Good thing the rain had finally stopped."  
"Thanks, mate."

Mark took a sip of his drink. He badly needed it. He was shivering a lot now that he's all settled up. He started sneezing but he couldn't care less. All he thought about was Nicky. He still couldn't process everything that has happened within the last 24 hours. All he knew that he and Nicky were having breakfast, he took his final exams, they went out to celebrate and now Nicky is in a probable critical condition.

"Shane?"

"Yes?"

"Where'd you ran off to? by the way. All I remember was you were knocked out. I think Kian also was. Brian was dancing, then all of you have seem to vanish. Well, I still managed to bump into Brian though."

"I don't really know about Kian though. But I was probably knocked out by alcohol within like the first 30 minutes. The rain was quite strong that my siblings went out to look for me and have eventually fetched me home. Sorry I forgot to say goodbye."

"S'fine."

"What ever happened there exactly?"

"Uh, you know. It was actually just a normal night out. You go to the pub, you get drunk, have some little fight but this one, this had rather seem me being hysterical and throwing a massive tantrum at Nicky, I guess. Plus, alcohol, you know. Kinda always seems good for you at the start but it doesn't ever end well." Mark had a deep breath.

"Well, I see. But how did it get to the point Nicky getting hit by a car?"

"It's, uhm. Kian already knows, by the way."

"Know what?"

"You know, how I fancy him for like a long time now."

"But how?" Shane looked surprised.

"Me and Nicky were sitting at our spot in the pub. Then he goes and tells me how he kinda felt for me and stuff like that. Over the past few days, he kinda seemed like he wanted to tell something but he just couldn't and I thought that was what he wanted to tell me. Well, it actually was, I think. He offered to get me some soda to which I agreed to. Then Brian walks in and asks if Nicky had already told me. I said yes, but it turns out we weren't exactly on the same page. And he goes on to tell me that it wasn't my fault that Kian and Jodi broke up and such. Then he mentions how Nicky had accidentally told Kian during that dinner party at Kian's. I was so furious at that moment, I clearly couldn't think straight. It was like, I wanted to make an impactful statement without having have to say anything. My head hurts so much I didn't know what to do. I opened my eyes, saw Nicky and punched him and threw him off outside. I was in so much pain, I couldn't think of anything else to do but hurt him, but not like this, though. I never would've ever wanted this to happen. No." Mark's tears started to fall down.

Mark was crying again. He just couldn't accept everything that has happened. He feels he should be the one to blame for what has happened. He was so happy to have Shane by his side. He was thankful to have a shoulder to cry on, a person who he could share his thoughts with and more. Shane felt nothing but sorry for Mark. He seemed too upset about everything and he just couldn't think of anything to do to lift his mood up, even just for a bit. It was probably almost morning at that time but they couldn't keep track of the time. The hospital scene and ambience were just not their thing.

A few minutes afterwards, a doctor came out to update Mark and Shane of Nick's situation.

"Excuse me? Are you the family of Mr. Byrne?" The doctors asked.

"We're his close friends, actually, yes." Shane responded.

"What happened to Nicky? Will he be alright? Please tell me he's gonna be okay." Mark begged.

"The car had hit him quite roughly. He's lost a lot of blood and is currently at a critical condition. Best advice and action to take is to transfer him to a much bigger hospital in Dublin. He'll be well taken care of there. He'll be transported at noon upon your approval."

"Yes, doc. Please. Anything. Just please save him."

"Okay. I'll have it settled then."

"Doc? Can we see him yet?"

"I suppose you can. I suggest you don't touch him and keep a safe distance. I'll be back later."

"Thanks, doc."

*

"Mark."

"Yes?"

"We leave straight away at noon. I don't suppose you wanna go home and rest a bit first?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine to me... Mark please rest up just for a few hours then head off here once you do. Nicky would probably want you to do the same."

"I'll take a nap on our way to Dublin."

"Mark..."

"Fine. But I'm gonna head in and see Nicky first."

Mark was trembling a lot upon opening the door. He wasn't exactly sure on what he'll lay his eyes on to. He was dying to see Nicky since they rushed him off but now he just wanna take a step back, run and cry. He opened the door slowly.

Tears fell immediately out of Mark's eyes the moment he set foot to the room. He finally saw Nicky. The energetic, fun, cheeky lad now unconscious lying quietly inside a hospital room. It had almost seem like it wasn't Nicky. There was too much stuff and wires attached all throughout his body. Seeing Nicky this way was just too much for Mark to handle. He turned to Shane and cried some more.

"This is all my fault. It's because of me Nicky is right there, unable to move and fighting for his life."

"Mark, please take it easy on yourself."

"No. I actually just wanted to have a fun night, you know? But it deadass turned into a tragedy. He was supposed to be back in Dublin by now if it weren't for me. He wouldn't be lying on that bed if I had just let him to go home. But no, I insisted him to come along with us. I was so selfish I forgot that just because things are good for me doesn't mean that it'll also be good to others as well. If I hadn't pushed him out, this, we... we probably wouldn't be here right now."

"We'll take charge here while you rest at home, okay. Rest up and save your energy. Nicky wouldn't want to see you all messed up like that. My brothers are on their way here. They're gonna pick you up and we'll stay right here and take a close eye on Nicky. I'll inform Brian and Kian we're leaving for Dublin later."

"Thanks a lot, Shane. I don't know how I'm gonna do it without you."

"My pleasure, mate."

Shane's brothers arrived a few minutes after. Mark stared at Nicky for a long 20 seconds before saying goodbye and heading back home. The journey had seem quite long. He wanted to be there for Nicky but he also needed to rest. Plus, he also couldn't bear to even look at Nicky without crying so much.

Mark had arrived home feeling so exhausted. He went straight to his room and immediately lied on his bed. He needed sleep. In fact, he really is sleepy. But what has happened keeps on bugging him awake. It kinda seems like a big blur. Nicky feels so far from him but at the same time, it also feels like Nicky's right beside him. Nicky was always there to protect and care for Mark. Mark feels his heart drop that he couldn't save Nicky. Everything just kept on running in circles in his mind over and over again til he'd eventually fallen asleep.

Mark woke up at 11am. Went to shower, packed his bags, ate a light meal and went straight to the hospital. He arrived not long enough and saw Brian, Kian, and Shane inside Nicky's room.

"Hey" Mark started.

"Hey" Shane answered back.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah."

They all stood up as the nurses got the ambulance ready for Nicky's departure. They all seemed to be quiet. Either because they couldn't believe it yet or maybe because they were still a bit hungover.

They made their way to Shane's car. Brian volunteered to drive since he knew all the bits and turns in Dublin. Shane next to Brian and Mark and Kian at the back. Once the ambulance had left, they also made their way to follow it. They could've rode in with the ambulance. But they didn't wanna crowd it and the amount of equipment made them thought that they'd be better off at a diferent ride for Nicky's safety.

Shane and Brian were pretty much talking the whole trip. They were talking quite loud while the two at the back had rather seem silent.

"Mark..." Kian murmurred.

"I'm sorry, Kian. I didn't mean to..."

"If this is about you know, it's okay with me though. No need to be a snob about it."

Despite this trying times. Mark had a forced but genuine smile on his face. He kinda thought Kian was gonna slag him off but he didn't. It was a relief hearing what Kian has said. But it kinda seems like he was the one feeling awkward. He did feel awful though. He think he thought this way too far about Kian knowing. Well, Kian already knew somehow but Mark wasn’t aware that he did and now he feels bad a lot more to what has happened to Nicky. He overreacted way too much.

"Should I say 'hello' then?"

"You're like family to me, you know. I hope this little thing doesn't become between us. Like, this is still me. No need to feel awkward or anything.

"Thanks."

"Yeah. How are you though?"

"Not great actually."

"I could tell."

"I look really awful, don't I?"

"Not really if you cover your eyes. You should probably get some sleep. We won't arrive for like another 2 hours or so. I'll wake you up by then."

"Thanks"

Mark fell asleep on their way to Dublin. The sun was up in the sky shining brightly but it was rather cold than hot. Mark slept comfortably on their way as he couldn't get a proper sleep since everything that has happened. He was asleep peacefully and quietly until the sound of traffic had woken him up. He thought that they would've been at Dublin by now. If not, at least maybe close to it.

At that point Mark almost didn't wanna wake up. At least in his dreams, everything was okay. That none of this had ever happened. That Nicky was safe and sound. Waking up has almost felt quite a burden to Mark. He is still badly saddened. He kinda just wanna live in his dream for the rest of his life.

"Hey, Marky. How's your nap?" Shane asked.

"Quite nice, actually." Mark responded. "Are we there yet?"

"Uhh, almost. If it weren't for this heavy traffic." Brian answered.

"Fancy some ice cream?" Kian offered.

"Ice cream? where'd you get those from?"

"Uh, I made them? You know, chemistry class?" Kian laughed.

"We go to the same class, Ki. I'm a hundred percent certain they didn't teach us how to make those. Plus, I haven't really have a decent meal earlier. I don't want to get sick. And how are you even eating that when it's already intensely cold?"

"Nahh, I'm just messing with you. How about pizza then?"

"Where did you get all of these? Though, yes please."

"We went to some Drive-Through earlier while you were fast asleep and drooling all over the window." Kian laughed.

Mark reached in to grab a slice of pizza. He was glad that nothing changed to him and Kian which makes him feel bad a lot more for Nicky. He was way too harsh on him.

After nearly 30 minutes, they've finally reached the hospital. The ambulance had arrived 20 minutes before them and Nicky was finally settled in his hospital room. Brian parked Shane's car then they all went inside soon after.

Nicky still looked awful matching up his current situation. It was too much for them to see Nicky going all through this but that's just it. There's nothing they can do about it but wait and hope that Nicky will soon recover.

It was almost evening. And the four of them had seem really bored as they didn't have that much to do. The TV was okay but they just couldn't find a decent enough channel to watch. Having not much to do, they felt hungry again except for Mark, he no longer had the appetite.

"Uh, Marky. I'm gonna go have Shane and Kian stay at my house for the night. I'll just drive them there and I'll return immediately. I'm also gonna get us dinner as well. Call me if you need anything." Brian mentioned.

"Okay, thanks."

Shane and Kian waved goodbye at Mark and Nicky and left. Mark was left alone with Nicky. There was a small sofa, a bathroom, a table and a small refrigerator at Nicky's hospital room so Mark was certain he could manage. He dragged a chair next to Nicky's bed and just watched him. He kept looking at him and kept refraining himself from crying. It was quiet inside the room which makes the ambience a lot more sad and blue. Mark couldn't bother but to only look at Nicky and studied him. There was too much medical equipment attached to him but looking at directly at Nicky's face. He still looked almost the same. Though, there wasn't any blue eyes he could stare at right now.

*

"I'm back, Marky..."

"Oh Brian. How's the other two going?"

"Their fine. Was quite afraid they'd be playing through my stuff but they seemed really tired."

"Oh..."

"Kian made you some Ham and Cheese sandwiches though."

"Thanks"

"You should probably eat up."

"Yeah, I know thanks."

Brian sat on the sofa and handed Mark the sandwiches. Mark went on to eat them as he kinda feels famished already.

"And... Marky?"

"What is it, Bri?"

"Nicky? He likes you a lot, mate. He really does. Maybe he's just shy to tell and show you that but, you know."

"Yeah. I could tell it by now."

"He didn't really mean to tell Kian what he did. That night on that party, we were all drinking too much and he really didn't mean to tell Kian. He wanted to tell you what he's done but he was just so afraid. That maybe you'd just shut him off and ignore him. And he didn't want that to happen."

"Yeah, I know."

"He's not usually like this. I mean he barely likes anyone, but when he does, it's kinda like 'not even death can tear us apart'. He knows how much you liked Kian and he was afraid to falling so deep into you that's why he wanted to leave right away."

"Oh... Thanks, Bri. I, I didn't know."

"My pleasure, mate." Brian smiled. "It's quite warmer in the lobby area, mind if I leave you here for a bit? Might wanna give you both some quality time."

"Yeah, sure. No problem."

"Okay. You know where to find me though. Take the left staircase down, then turn left again. Good night, Marky."

"Yeah, good night, Bri."

*

Mark had barely stood up from the chair he was sitting on. He just wanted to be beside Nicky all the time.

"Hey, Nix. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to push you off the edge like that. I shouldn't have prevented you from coming home. None of this would've happened. I am so sorry." Mark started to cry out. "Maybe if you haven't met me, you'd be out there having fun. I had the best twenty-ish days? maybe twenty-seven days with you. You make me the happiest and saddest person at the same time. Please, please get better. I promise to be a better man."

Mark was sobbing next to Nicky. He was holding his hand and not letting it go. The hands of the clock were just moving quite slowly but he wanted to spend each second of it with him. Dublin may have a lot to offer, but he'd rather stay there in a small closed room with him. He just kept talking and talking to Nicky all night long even though it's very much likely he won't reply.

It was past midnight. He snug close to Nicky and listened to him breathe as if it was music to his ears. He just kept on holding and squeezing his left hand till he'd eventually fallen asleep.

At around 3am, Nicky's hand twitched. That would be normal since the doctor's said that Nicky's brain activity seemed to be okay. He couldn’t move or open his eyes though. He was in so much pain despite the amount of antibiotics and anesthesia flowing through his veins. He wanted to cry and hug Mark that very moment but he couldn't. Mark was already asleep that time so he hadn't noticed. Nicky thought he had a small chance of surviving. Despite all the the medicine that has been injected to him and everything attached to him, he felt that all of them were useless. At that moment, all he needed was Mark. Mark was the one he needed to carry on. That somehow it has him giving him the strength to push through, giving him hope that they can surpass all of this.

The last thing Nicky knew was that Mark was extremely mad at him before everything went blank. That he had been a stupid friend towards him and all that crap.

Morning came and there was a knock at the door. Mark woke up and opened to see who it was. It was Kian and Shane.

"Hey, Marky." Said Shane.

"What's up?"

"We got up early and decided to bring you some breakfast."

"Thanks"

"Did you manage to get some sleep?"

"I did. Thanks"

"Say, wanna go for a quick stroll Mark? Well, after you eat of course." Shane offered.

"I'll look after Nicky and I think Brian too also." Kian stated.

"Yeah sure. Haven't noticed Brian back at the sofa though. Give me a minute."

Mark went to eat the breakfast Kian and Shane brought. It was a porridge in oat milk with orange, dates and groundnuts. It wouldn't really be his choice if he were to pick his breakfast but it turned out yummy and healthy as well. He took a breathe after eating, stood up and stretched his muscles, looked eagerly at Nicky till he and Shane went off.

*

"Dublin's quite nice, eh?" Shane pops up.

"I know right. We were supposed to come here this weekend with Nicky touring us around but here we are."

"I know it's tough but cheer up, mate. Nicky wouldn't want to see you all frowned up."

"Maybe. It's just sad you know. The last thing he ever saw me was at that road trying to beat him to death."

"Don't be too hard on yourself, man."

Nicky and Shane had walked around for almost an hour. There were a lot to sights to stop, stare and look at. It was such a shame that Nicky couldn't join them. It was big place but also quite nice. They were both getting tired of walking around so Mark insisted they head back before they get lost.

RING RING, RING RING Shane's phone rang.

"Hey, Ki. What's up?"

"It's Nicky. Come back here immediately."

Kian hung up the phone soon after. Shane and Mark rushed back to the hospital as fast as they could.

*

"What happened?"

"The doctor's said Nicky had a concussion. They actually didn't see it coming and it's a lot worse now. They say he needs to go to surgery as soon as possible but the chances of living is crucial."

"When is exactly is 'as soon as possible'?"

"Tonight. They said. About 9pm. They are already making some tests beforehand for clearance." Kian stated. "Want us to scrap off so you two could have some time?"

"Thanks."

"No problem. Want us to grab you some lunch or snack maybe?"

"No, thanks. I'm good." Mark obviously wasn’t.

Mark and Nicky were left alone inside the room. Mark couldn't help himself and cried once more and held Nicky's hand and lied next to him again.

The two have settled on quite nicely, and Mark was whispering words hoping Nicky would hear him. "I've always been a music lover but I've never heard better music than the sound of you breathing." He went to cry on some more.

"I heard you'll be going through a tough night tonight. Just hang in there, buddy. This will all get better soon." Mark murmured.

"Nicky?" Mark looked shocked as Nicky's body started trembling.

Mark went to reach for the alarm conmected to the Nurse Station to signal for emergency. "Please, hold on. It's only a more hours to go. Please don't leave me. I don't ever wanna let you go, but if it means you'll be in a better place. I surely won't think twice."

Mark was crying so intensely no words could no longer come out his mouth. He just went to kissed Nicky in his cheeks and held him tight. Nicky hasn’t been held this way before and it was a shame Nicky couldn’t feel anything at all. Mark didn’t even know if Nicky could hear him. Regardless of the situation, he just wanted to be there for Nicky and not let him go.

He tends to be pessimistic all the time. But this time, Mark had high hopes for Nicky's recovery though it kinda seems impossible during the moment. The doctor's had rush in the room and asked Mark to come out of the room. He wanted to hold and Nicky some more but out of the room was the closest he could ever be.

*

"I didn't even get the chance to know his birthday, his favorite color, and all that little things. He was always there for me and all I gave him was this. We didn't even get to have a picture together

"Mark, Nicky is probably in a better place now. He would make a great memory for sure."

"Memories are often great but I'd rather let this stay as moments. This could've been a fairytale but yeah, fairytales aren't real. Mark sobbed. “He didn’t even get to know how much I liked him.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PS: This was initially the ending I had in mind before but I kinda changed it up a bit recently. This part wouldn’t be that important at all and you could probably just skip to the next chapter for your peace of mind. Though it’s up to you if you still want to read this bit. Thanks!

"What the fuck?" Mark woke up to drink his pill

"Why? What's wrong?" Kian asked.

"It was all just a dream."

"Why what happened?"

"Funny. Everything. It was kinda like we were out partying, and drinking and suddenly there's this Nicky guy and--"

"...And that we were in Dublin where he unfortunately he passed away." Kian continued.

"Well yeah. How did you know?" Mark looked surprised.

"It wasn't a dream, Mark." Kian went to calm Mark down.

"But, what? how? no, it can't be."

"What do you think that pill you just drank was for?"

Mark was crying excessively when Nicky had gone. It was so much for him to handle that he was prescribed some medications that can help him ease his emotions. He stayed over at Kian's since both of them were alone that Christmas anyways and Kian had seem to take care of Mark easily despite what Mark was going through.

Mark couldn't believe what Kian had just said. What does he mean about it being just a dream? He rushed out and wanted to cry. He just couldn't accept everything yet. He wanted to go somewhere but there wasn't much anywhere to run to at Kian's house except maybe for their garage that they had turn into a storage room that probably hasn't been opened for years like Kian had said.

He went in and turned on the lights. And he couldn't believe his eyes. Kian was telling the truth. That Nicky and everything that he dreamt about was true. He remembered so well that Nicky was hit by a small red worn out Honda despite the massive rain since he could see that very car with eyes.

Everything went flashing back. His eyes were filled with tears and he still can't believe that Nicky's gone. That Kian was the one that had hit him. But somehow he still feels guilty since he was the one that punched and pushed Nicky out of the pub. They could've been spending the Christmas together by now if he was still here.

Mark couldn't believe his eyes and rushed back to Kian's room.

"What was that?"

"What was what?"

"In your garage!"

"Mark, I, uhm. I'm sorry. Let me explain."

"I can't believe it was you."

"It was an accident, I didn't mean to..."

Mark rushed to the bathroom and locked himself in. He didn't know what to do. He misses Nicky so much. He still had his medicine bottle with him. He still can't believe that Nicky is somewhere off beyond his reach by now.

"Despite the distance, I'm never letting you go."


	9. Chapter 9

"Nix?" Mark stated.

"Hey, Marky" Nicky replied.

"Can't believe it's you..." Mark stuttered.

"Maybe your dream has come true..." Nicky laughed.

"What dream?"

"It's your dream, why are you asking me?" Nicky giggled.

"Are you like for real? But you're??"

"We both are."

"Oh.

"Yeah."

"Nicky?"

"What's that?"

"I, uhm, Can I give you a hug?"

"No."

"Oh, okay. Why not?”

"Let's give each other a hug!"


End file.
